Thursday, April 5, 2007

here's 2 things i found while i was watching 2 different movies..
okay, not really found but more of, heard.. haha..
the first one is taken from the movie 'in her shoes' the one starring cameron diaz..

e.e.cummings
i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go you go, my dear
and whatever is done only by me
is your doing ym darling

i fear no fate
for you are my fate, my sweet
i want no world
for beautiful you are my world, my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart


how beautiful is that? it takes some time to actually make some of the sentences out because there isnt any punctuation.. i dont know where to put them.. haha.. but read your way through it.. it makes it poem more beautiful when you really and deeply understand it.. it makes me want to cry..
):

okay, this is another one i took from wikipedia.. this one is from the move '10 things i hate about you'

i hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair
i hate the wat you drive my car
i hate it when you stare
i hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
i hate you so much it makes me sick;
it even makes me rhyme
i hate the way you're always right
i hate it when you lie
i hate it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cry
i hate it when you're not around
and the fact that you didnt call
but mostly i hate the way i dont hate you
not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all


it's funny how some poems in movies actually speak the truth dont you think? how some times they are excruciatingly true..
movies can teach us lessons too wouldnt you guys agree? sometimes it takes a hit in the head for us to wake up from our dreams.. take me for example.. i couldnt get really get over hongtat during that period of time.. i think that would be around the beginning of the year or so.. then a very nice guy talked to me on msn and when i told him some of the things, he said some stuff that really somehow, woke me up from getting too into hongtat and stopping me from falling deeper than i already was.. i think minn knows who i am talking about.. yeah.. but since she isnt here right now, i dont think that there will be any reply. haha..
but yeah, he gave me my wake up call despite my girlfriends telling me to step back and then move on with my life and just let him be.. it's funny how i am..
i dont listen to the whispers in my ears.. i dont see the signs that pass me by in neon lights.. i only take in the truth when there's a loud bang and the sign slams straight into my face.. that's the time when i come to realise what's been really going on.. haha.. truthfully speaking, i think even if i do see the signs or the hear the whisperings of what i think might happen, i would have simply dismissed them, telling myself that things will get better as long as i hold on for long enough.. it's always what i want to see, not what my brain sees.. i chose to see what my heart wishes, not what i am supposed to see..
get what i mean?
it's more like my eyes are making the selection rather than taking it all in.. it's probably what they call, denial.. we choose to see what our heart desires and reject what we dont want to see.. i guess maybe it might be too painful for us to accept the truth of something that we choose not to take in whatever we should and we deny ourselves..
maybe it helps, maybe it does.. why i say it helps?
well, in my opinion, i guess time itself is a factor.. it might have been too sudden that we dont want to accept that certain fact.. so i guess by keeping ourselves from that, we are actually buying time to prep our heart or mind for that major hit that you're going to take.. then again, mostly, i think it doesnt help because basically, we ARE DENYING OURSELVES..
am i making sense? i hope i am..
then again, we might not know when we are denying ourselves because it's how your mind works isnt it? unless you are so so rational and calm that you'll accept whatever comes your way, then you wont really be able to tell if you are denying yourself.. but if you do know, then i suggest that facing up to the facts will do much more credit to you.. now that i'm taking it all in, coming round to the fact that maybe hongtat will just treat me as a friend, i guess i am making it easier for myself, to not harp on him all the time and just let him find me if he wants to chat.. partly because he's really not around most of the time and he doesnt reply to sms-es anymore.. i know what i think? i think he's found someone new.. haha!!! i remember the times before he actually asked me out when i was in secondary 1.. he used to sms me DAILY.. haha.. i blew 1000+ sms-es on him.. imagine that!!! that much.. so i'm pretty much guessing he's found someone new and his inbox has no space for a friend..
doesnt matter much already i guess.. sure there's a little pain but this is part of letting go isnt it? lessons that all of us have to go through in life.. heartbreaks and moving on.. girlfriends and that certain nice guy who gave me my wake up call, tell me i deserve more.. even a certain visitor who happened to remember my email add and asked for my new blog add.. i hope you are still reading my dear visitor..
(:
maybe i do derserve more.. or maybe i just cant seem to like a guy who likes me the way i like him.. haha.. oh wells, i'll just have to wait isnt it? my dear minn waited and she got herself a very nice guy.. so i shall wait.. patience is a virtue so they say..
(:
loves

vanessa