Sunday, April 1, 2007
let's say this morning wasnt all that bad until i was told/asked by michaelyeong to close in prayer during worship..
frankly, i dont even say prayers aloud, not even in front of my mum.. so why on earth would i want to close in prayer for an entire body of young people? i dont like going in front of people and talk to them.. i'm not what you'd call a people-person.. even if i have to do a freaking presentation, i'd take AT LEAST 30minutes to get ready.. i'm not spontaneous and i totally detest doing public speaking.. and he went on, asking people to 'encourage' me.. what part of
N.O.
did he not get?!!!
what part of
N.O.
did everyone NOT GET?!
isnt N.O. a little straight forward? truthfully speaking, i'm kind of not interested in going for sunday school worship anymore.. it just shut off the moment it ended today.. the feeling of wanting to attend sunday school worship.. it just snapped..
and the 'best thing'? it's prize giving next week and i was told by uncle arthur that i must go.. gosh, i dont want to attend some ceremony that's probably just a name.. i dont even know why my church does it.. does it encourage more young people to attend lessons more often for a book? does it give them a sense of self achievement to receive a book that commends them for coming to church every sunday without fail or something like that? maybe the people in charge think it might help, maybe some people still like the feeling of receiving something, then all his/her friends clap and whistle..
but seriously, does EVERYONE receive the same treatment? would you clap and whistle and scream their name even if they werent your friends? would the group of youths do that? i doubt so.. why? because i know so.. i'm not being biased.. i've been through it and it sucks like mad.. it feels embarrassing to be out there and knowing people are looking at you and you are walking alone back and forth to your seat..
and i'm still on the thing about going up to do 'public speaking'
i dont like and probably never will..
gosh.. what is with people..
why would you want to force someone to do something they dont like? then what kind of service would that be? it wouldnt be coming from the heart would it? it would be
"because he made me do it"
or
"i was forced to do it"
GAH!!!!
-sulks-
starting to feel a little sick already, coughing already here, fever will probably come sooner or later..
meeting the buddy tomorrow for some outing, then dinner with samantha to return her her 'chicken soup' books i borrowed YEARS ago.. i cant even remember when.. think was at least 4 years back when that series was all the rage.. haha..
imagine that..
phew! packed my books and i have 3 boxes full of books.. 1 Christian books box, 1 craft&cook book box, 1 secular book box and another one is just plainly craft stuff..
(:
i feel so much better now that my room's less packed with books.. they are currently all under my bed.. so now let me take a new count on the number of boxes i have..
2
2
4
1
haha!!!
9 pretty boxes!!!
(:
ooh.. i labelled the 4 under my bed.. haha!!! i am pretty organised when i want to.. and if i start, i dont stop until i've cleared that entire mess.. and it should be done before i go to bed.. still in the packing phase of clearing things i have books to sell.. just that i dont have a platform to sell them on.. most auctioning platforms requires a credit card and since i dont have one, i guess it wont work.. ahh!!! i think edmund has an ebay account.. teehee..
i shall be really nice first.. haha.. how horrid..
watched grey's anatomy and towards the end, she talked about the wounds that we have.. how some wounds need a band-aid while some wounds needs the removal of the band-aid to allow the wound to breathe..
but i wonder, which are the wounds that requires a band-aid and which one needs air to breathe? there are quite a number of unhealed wounds in my life.. how do i go about letting them breathe when i cant let go of some of the things that has occured?
in my opinion, although i am a Christian and that God would and will heal my wounds, i guess there are some wounds that will never heal completely.. the scabs from all the bleeding will remain and never stop forming no matter how much i peel at it.. there would be some too, that the scabs will never form.. all you get is a bleeding wound.. one that just keeps dripping so slowly that you have to use a tissue to press on it so hard, hoping it would stop but only to find that once you stop the force, it starts bleeding all over again..
there are just some things that we dont get over, sure the wound might get smaller and less painful when you look back, but it still hurts.. unless you live for a bloody long time, you'd turn your head back and reminisce those times and still a sting in your heart..
it's something like the way scars are, the way they remind you of what happened..
for me, an example would be the long scar on my back.. i dont like to wash my back (although i DO WASH and soap my back).. the reason? because everytime my fingers come into contact with the scar, i feel the pain, i remember the times i spent in the hospital.. i remember the pain after the operation and all the times i wish i hadnt gone for the operation.. all the painful memories come back..
so even if they do heal, there's always something to remind you of it.. of course it sucks, having to live each day, with these pieces of memories all the time..
oh wells, guess we'll still be living even if we carry these burdens all through our lives.. might as well let them bleed if we dont know how to heal these wounds aye? of course, if you can find a way to heal those, dont stop..
as we live each day, i guess we are reminded, in a way or two, of whatever horrible things that has taken place in our lives.. then again, we too, are also reminded of the nicer things in life, of the beauty of true friendship and stuff like that..
(:
but always remember to stop and smell the flowers... always do..
hillsong united
from the inside out
a thousand times i've failed
still Your mercy remains
and should i stumble again
i'm caught in Your grace
everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
in my heart and my soul
Lord i give You control
consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
become my embrace
to love You from the inside out
everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
and the cry of my heart
is to bring You praise
from the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
vanessa
