Wednesday, April 25, 2007
ok ok..
frances my dear, i admit.. i peeked a little.. haha!!! but couldnt really see what you typed.. but yes, i know i have you guys, you, peggy and huifen to depend on in school to keep me happy and smiling..
(:
and 3 teabags of herbal drinks would kill me.. OVERDOSE WOMAN!!! later i get high on herbal tea then you 3 sure faint.. and you dont want me to get high on tea.. haha!!!
i remember those times when i get really high with the buddy and the other girlfriends.. but i get extremely high with minn and daphne.. those were the maximums.. haha!!!
so anyways! here's the whole hongtat thing which i'm also getting over..
i think i shall copy and paste whatever we exchanged over msn.. but i shall go into the part where he starts.. just for your information, in case you really dont know anything about me,
[have faith] is me
while
paint the silence... is hongtat..
pst! that nickname is from a song.. he's not as 'deep' as it seems.. haha!!! i feel so horrible.. still, it's a fact.. haha!!!
paint the silence...
okay
paint the silence...
there's sth i wanna tell u
[have faith]
yeah?
paint the silence...
i'm back wif her
[have faith]
hmm. okay
[have faith]
jasmine?
paint the silence...
i guess i jus noe i hafta tell u
[have faith]
it's okay.
[have faith]
(:
[have faith]
how long already?
[have faith]
making it last this time?
paint the silence...
not long
paint the silence...
not sure
[have faith]
haha.. you need to get your life tog dude
paint the silence...
are u sure its okay?
[have faith]
like i'm supposed to object
paint the silence...
...
[have faith]
i mean really..
[have faith]
you cant expect me to tell you not to go out with right?
paint the silence...
nt wat i meant
[have faith]
it's not like you'd really listen or anything.. not that my crying of wailing of begging would change anything would it?
paint the silence...
are u being sarcastic?
[have faith]
no, why would i be? really, would it change the fact?
[have faith]
i am REALLY not being sarcastic
paint the silence...
ok
[have faith]
since you asked if it was ok, i just wanted you to know partly, how i felt about it
paint the silence...
tell me
paint the silence...
u're not telling me how u feel, u're jus telling me that nth will help
[have faith]
but even if i did, it wouldnt change anything...
[have faith]
it so obvious how i'd feel..
[have faith]
but you just couldnt see it
paint the silence...
so y are u telling me that instead of how u feel since u think both wun help
[have faith]
why are you asking me how i feel when it's so obvious?
paint the silence...
i really have no idea
[have faith]
no idea?!
paint the silence...
i've been so insensitive all my life dat i dun even noe wat anyone's thinking
paint the silence...
and i dun even noe wat was between us
[have faith]
you said you needed time to think.. so i stepped back and gave you all the time to think..
[have faith]
i didnt ask you anything about us because i remember you saying that you had too many things on your mind that you didnt really want to go into anything..
[have faith]
that sometimes, you needed someone and sometimes, you felt like you had so many other things to be bothered about that you dont have time for anything else
[have faith]
so i stepped back and hoped one day you'd tell me something
paint the silence...
and u nv expected on that one day i would tell u something u nv expected
[have faith]
apparently yes
[have faith]
although i did sense that you were attached
paint the silence...
nope
paint the silence...
i had to tell u
[have faith]
i sensed it already b4 you told me just now
[have faith]
i felt this odd feeling weeks ago
[have faith]
and so it is true..
[have faith]
but i didnt expect that person to be her. that's all
paint the silence...
sorry
paint the silence...
i might regret this decision one day
paint the silence...
but this is wat i hafta do and wat i chose right now
[have faith]
decision to?
paint the silence...
be wif her
[have faith]
haha.. right
paint the silence...
...
paint the silence...
canuget serious?
[have faith]
serious? am i not serious?
[have faith]
do you think i'm not?
paint the silence...
i really dunno if u are serious or jus being sarcastic
[have faith]
sarcastic? no.. i'm seldom sarcastic.. i only do that when i'm joking
[have faith]
which
[have faith]
apparently
[have faith]
i'm not
[have faith]
if sorry could change things, yeah, i'll take it..
paint the silence...
but it cant
paint the silence...
sigh
paint the silence...
so wat are we now?
paint the silence...
if u wanna hate me
paint the silence...
go ahead
paint the silence...
i noe i dun deserve anything
[have faith]
hate? i dont hate..
paint the silence...
but i dun wanna hide anything frm u
paint the silence...
esp u
[have faith]
esp me?
paint the silence...
esp after so long
[have faith]
after so long of what? you said you needed time and i gave you a year without wanting anything back..
[have faith]
it's so obvious how i felt that even my friends say it's just too much and that i should just.. move on or something..
[have faith]
you said you'd do so many things.. but you didnt..
paint the silence...
i've let u down i noe
[have faith]
and i agree.
[have faith]
so yes, back to where we should have been and probably always will be, as friends.. wouldnt you agree?
[have faith]
i dont think you'd really had feelings from the start have you? it's was probably just a game of chase.. no, i dont and wont hate you..
paint the silence...
i hope
paint the silence...
not true
[have faith]
you hope?
paint the silence...
when i told u i wanted to bring u out and stuff, i really wanted to do dat
paint the silence...
and i really have had feelings for u
[have faith]
haha.. HAD..
paint the silence...
i hope we can still be frens
[have faith]
sure
paint the silence...
wat do u wan me to say?
paint the silence...
dat i still have feelings for u even tho i'm wif her
[have faith]
like i can do anything about it
[have faith]
i mean really..
paint the silence...
nvm
[have faith]
ya.. that's what you always say.. avoid avoid avoid.
paint the silence...
but i still do hope dat we can hang out sometimes
paint the silence...
guess i'm jus a coward and a failure.
paint the silence...
sometimes i jus think i'm not gd enuff for u
[have faith]
and i told you that it didnt matter to me..
paint the silence...
but it does to me
paint the silence...
its not jus abt u
[have faith]
not just about me?
[have faith]
then about who?
paint the silence...
both of us
[have faith]
now there's both of us..
[have faith]
right..
paint the silence...
...
paint the silence...
4get it
paint the silence...
i guess the more i say, it jus gets worst
[have faith]
worst?
[have faith]
nope.. it isnt..
[have faith]
it just makes me feel what i should have felt a long time ago, knowing that maybe we were just not meant to be..
paint the silence...
tell u the thruth
paint the silence...
one of the reason its her is cuz
paint the silence...
she's not as gd as u
[have faith]
why would you pick someone not as good as someone else?
paint the silence...
cuz i'm not good enough for someone else
[have faith]
i really have no idea why you'd do that but i respect that decision anyway
paint the silence...
i hope u find someone gd enuff for u soon
paint the silence...
u deserve it
[have faith]
i hope he hurries
paint the silence...
y?
paint the silence...
cant wait?
[have faith]
maybe?
paint the silence...
oh okay
paint the silence...
u sure u're gonna be fine?
[have faith]
dont ask me that
paint the silence...
sorry
paint the silence...
do u need to be alone?
[have faith]
it's so obvious it isnt and you ask
[have faith]
no
[have faith]
i dont want or need to be alone
paint the silence...
okay
paint the silence...
dun have sch tml
[have faith]
i slp late
paint the silence...
but sch starts at?
[have faith]
9?
paint the silence...
i realise u start to slp late aft ur sec sch days
paint the silence...
am i right?
[have faith]
during
paint the silence...
but definitely not when i started noeing u
[have faith]
i slpt at 11plus in lower sec
[have faith]
i just take longer times to fall asleep.. approx half an hour
paint the silence...
i guess at dat pt of time it wasnt late to me at all
paint the silence...
not until i started working
[have faith]
then it started to be early
paint the silence...
i told morning shift was bad
[have faith]
9 10 plus
paint the silence...
afternoon shift was worst
paint the silence...
*tot
paint the silence...
can u send me one of ur picture?
paint the silence...
wif u on it
paint the silence...
jus u
[have faith]
why?
[have faith]
later she finds out and it gets worse
paint the silence...
will u do dat for me?
paint the silence...
its jus you
[have faith]
i only have those with friends
paint the silence...
as long as theres
paint the silence...
theres u
[have faith] sends C:\Documents and Settings\Administrator\My Documents\My Pictures\friends\26012007 (42).jpg
[have faith]
why would you want it
Transfer of "26012007 (42).jpg" is complete.
paint the silence...
jus wanna see u
[have faith]
see me?!
[have faith]
haha.. okay..
paint the silence...
do u wan me to delete it?
[have faith]
i just dont want anyone to have any thinking about it
[have faith]
esp not her
paint the silence...
dun worry
[have faith]
haha.. make sure
paint the silence...
guess tml long day for me
paint the silence...
sure reach hm after 1 one
[have faith]
you should have been gone 3 hours ago
paint the silence...
afternoon shift
[have faith]
oh
paint the silence...
u?
[have faith]
me?
[have faith]
sch til 4
[have faith]
then
[have faith]
either go home or see the doc
paint the silence...
see doc for?
[have faith]
dry cough for 2 weeks and it isnt getting any better. so ya.
[have faith]
just in case i get mum's illness, i have to go..
paint the silence...
huh?
paint the silence...
go whr?
[have faith]
doctor!
paint the silence...
see doc
paint the silence...
ok
paint the silence...
sorry
[have faith]
nvm
paint the silence...
better go see
[have faith]
like i have a choice.. cant possibly be coughing for the rest of my life, get asthma and pneumonia..
[have faith]
and i think you should be going to slp.. dont bother to entertain me if you are tired..
paint the silence...
u said either go hm or see doc wat
[have faith]
even if you do feel guilty, it's fine..
[have faith]
because you said you had a long day ahead
paint the silence...
will u come to me if u need someone?
[have faith]
so i suggest you slp early since you dont slp this late
[have faith]
to you? if i really have no one to go to, maybe.. am i supposed to call you and say i need someone?
[have faith]
as much as i wish i could
[have faith]
i fear i might not..
paint the silence...
u'll nv do dat
[have faith]
because you are attached
paint the silence...
even when i'm not
paint the silence...
jus noe i'll still be here if u do call someday
paint the silence...
if u do finally call.....
[have faith]
then?
paint the silence...
be here for u
[have faith]
ooh.. okay
[have faith]
but calling someone of the opposite sex when they are attached is just weird for me.. worse still if you are with her..
[have faith]
doesnt feel right for me..
paint the silence...
i wun force
[have faith]
i know
paint the silence...
and its not my control anyway
paint the silence...
jus noe dat i'll be there for u
[have faith]
i wish it stands true
paint the silence...
and i sincerely hope u'll find someone who's really gd enuff for u and who'll treat u gd
[have faith]
i'm sure he will
paint the silence...
i noe he will
[have faith]
well, he'd better be.
[have faith]
(:
paint the silence...
or i'll kill hm
[have faith]
you dont have to.. i'll just dump him..
[have faith]
killing is vicious
[have faith]
tsk tsk
paint the silence...
ok
paint the silence...
i'm going to bed
[have faith]
ya
paint the silence...
take gd care of urself
[have faith]
well, have a good life and a good relationship and all the best too
paint the silence...
dun say dat
paint the silence...
dun ask why
paint the silence...
jus take gd care of urself
paint the silence...
bye girl
[have faith]
yea.. bye..
[have faith]
chat sometime in the future.. which is really hard to imagine because i dont think you really will..
[have faith]
take care always
so that was that and after reading it, would you feel the least bit sorry for him? actually, i do.. why i do? because he's actually suffering. or so i think.. okay, i'll let him have the benefit of the doubt and think that he is suffering.. so yes, i feel a little sad for him.. yet at the same time, i am angry at him, and a little flustered at myself.. at him because he made me waste so much of my youth on him and him only, giving up so much other relationships that i could have embraced and have love return.. still, i am glad this happened because now i know, i do deserve more and through this experience, i know how to treat people right.. at least i made a small part of his life happy.. or so i hope.. i am angry at him also, for leading me on all these while, although it was a mistake on my part, for thinking that he was actually trying to be really, sincerely, nicer to me.. but now i know better to take all of someone's actions as an advancement.. now i know, to treat all actions and words as those coming from a friend who wants to be nice to me..
a little angry at myself because i should have stopped these feelings a long time ago.. because they shouldnt even have begun.. for not heeding the advice that i've been given by friends and all.. still, even throughout all these, i'm still glad that this has happened.. for all the lessons i've learnt and all the heartbreaks i've been through, i think i might be stronger with all these experiences.. of course, i still do care for him, but maybe i wont do as much as i used to because he has someone else to care for him.. haha.. i wouldnt hide the fact that it sucks but i am getting over him pretty soon..
i'm just waiting for my mr right to come along and sweep me off my feet.. the God-given mr right and not someone who'd just sweep me off my feet and drop me down.. i know, a God-given mr right would sweep me off my feet, lightly let me down to stand on my own two feet, hold my hand and go through everything together..
vanessa
