Sunday, April 22, 2007
received news this morning that karen's father had passed on last night..
frankly, i dont know what to do when things like this happen.. i dont have the right words to say, i dont the right actions... what is right when something like this happens?
somehow, the loss of her father makes me afraid of losing mine.. surely there are times when i feel like he's this horrible person but he is my father and i do love him as much as i would my mum.. i would cry an ocean if i could.. what would happen if something happened to my parents or anyone that i love? would i be able to carry on with life? would i one day be able to stand up and say i thank God that this happened?
i am afraid still, of the future.. of the unknown. some people get thrills out of this but not me.. i dont like the unknown where i have no control over although i know that God has already been there and He has planned everything for me.. all that matters is the choices i make that would either make or break.. choices we make each day alters the future.. so i hope and pray that with each step i take, something good comes out of it and that the steps i take, are good ones that shows that Christ is in my life..
it's still scary, to give the good Lord my life, place it in His hands and let Him do what He deems fit for me.. with every twist and turn, i fear.. then i question.. but no matter how much i question, He always shows me that He is there, listening to me, letting me know that He's faithful through it all..
trust is a scary word isnt it?
saying "i trust you" and not knowing what will happen.. then there's "faith".. i guess all these words work together, all interlinked in some ways.. that they cant exist without each other.. yeah, i think so..
):
sighs..
why is life this way?
anyways, went out with dad today with shawn and got running shoes and other things.. pretty fun, all in all.. havent been out with dad since quite some time.. getting him to fetch me to school too.. haha!! still coughing and snuffing my nose away.. the weather has been bad..
alrights, havent got much to say.. the passing of karen's dad just made me feel so.. down..
(dearest karen)
dont hide your fears and tears my dear
they will be safe with me
dont fake that smile you carry
i know they are lies
dont carry your burdens on your own
i am here, share them with me
dont pretend you are strong
i know you need a shoulder to lean on
come, take my hand and we'll get through somehow...
vanessa
