okay, there's something wrong happening right now.. i'm having major, quite extremely major mood swings.. i get angry at stupid minor things and freakingly pissed at major things.. these mood swings are getting a little worser everyday and i dont like them one bit.. it's spoiling my relationships and it sucks very badly.. everything doesnt seem to be falling apart, yet at the same time, it feels this way.. with the workload pilling right up on me, things just doesnt seem to be going the right way.. i havent been praying fervently as i should have and it's degrading to feel like i'm losing contact with God although i think, technically, i'm not.. or so i think..
everything is in a rush.. my life's in a rush.. i dont walk with my head lifted as high as it used to, i dont walk with the soft ease as i used to.. i cant walk too slow and i cant walk too fast.. everything just seems a little on the wrong side.. it's almost like i'm going through a lesson that God wants me to learn.. to depend on Him to know that everything will be alright..
i know i've said this a whole lot of other times, saying that i dont like being uncertain, i dont like being in a position where i dont have control over.. it's almost like, giving up or something, if i should let go and let God do His good work in my life.. i know i can trust God to be there in each and every part of my life.. but the problem lies in me, the problem of letting go.. why is letting go so difficult? why cant we let go of someone we love, to let them leave, to let them live their live as it should be..
okay, just so you know, i'm REALLY over hongtat.. and this isnt about him.. relax.. i think i just got SUPER emotional because of grey's anatomy.. a really sad episode that made me cry.. here's what made me smile and what made me cry..
denny : (more in front) for five years, i've had to live by the choice of my doctors. the guys that cut me open decided my life; there wasnt one choice that was mine. and now, i have this heart that beats and works. i get to be like everybody else, i get to make my own decisions, have my own life, do whatever the damned hell i choose. now here's the good part, so you listen close, what i choose, is you. you're who i want to wake up with and go to bed with and do everything in between with. i get a choice now. i get to choose. i choose you, izzy stevens.
this is one of the sweetest things i've ever heard and it made me cry a little because it's so sweet..
then the next one made me cry.. denny, who had a new heart, actually died after that and that stuff that i posted above, is the part where he asked izzy to marry him.. and the next thing, he died.. when they should that part, izzy was lying beside denny on his bed, hugging him and not wanting to let go.. that sight was just so painful..
izzy : an hour ago he was proposing. and now, and now he's going to the morgue. isnt that ridiculous? isnt it the most rediculous piece of crap you've ever heard?
then she starts crying and this other intern, alex, picks her up and rocks her while she cries.. the sight of losing a lover is so freaking painful and i know it because i've been there and i dont want to be there ever again.. for awhile, it made me angry at hongtat for some unknown reason.. as in.. REALLY unknown.. then it subsided.. just as suddenly as it came, it went.. funny how i am isnt it? yeah.. it sure is.. i want to watch the oc and grey's anatomy.. i just need to find a place that allows renting of these 2 dvds and possibly 2 more.. one tree hill and falcon beach.. these 4 shows are so cool.. actually, there are more.. let me list those that i can remember..
1. grey's anatomy
2. the oc
3. one tree hill
4. falcon beach
5. house
6. scrubs
hmm.. so far, these are the ones that i can recall.. yeah..
anyways, went to the 'teaching as a career' seminar at orchard hotel.. was pretty brief and it kind of caught my attention.. i guess i might become a teacher in the future. just maybe.. got to ask wenfu more about teaching.. he is, after all, a primary school teacher.. and he's the one who's getting married!
(:
i cant wait for him to get married.. finally, a cousin on mummy's side who's getting married and who is closer as compared to daddy's side.. yup yup.. it's going to be so exciting.. haha!!
-grins-
so after the seminar, walked a wee bit along orchard and got myself more tidbits.. haha.. which is bad.. i have to learn to cut down on my spending and eat lesser junk food.. eat more healthy stuff like grapes and veggies to help me shit.. haha!!
then, took a bus back and went home to go out again.. finally went to watch spiderman 3 which is really good because i thought the black spiderman was very cool as he was.. the hair, the attitude and all.. that bad-boy image is just so attractive.. haha!! not good i know.. haha!! i think, i'd like my guy to have a bad-boy image but knows how to treat me right and always ALWAYS love me loads..
(:
yup yup..
so yes, that's that.. took a couple of picture of which i will upload later or tomorrow.. got proposals to rsuh by tonight to send people.. the stupid leader really sucks..
okay, here's a song i heard on grey's anatomy today and i think it's really nice.. the beats and the lyrics are really nice..
gomez
how we operate
calm down
and get straight
it's in our eyes
it's how we operate
you're true
you are
i'd apologise but it wont go very far
please come here
come right on over
and when we collide we'll see what gets left over
a little joy
a little sorrow
and a little pride so we wont have to borrow
wherever you lead, i'll follow
turn me inside out and upside down
and try to see things my way
turn a new page, tear the old one out
and i'll try to see things your way
please come here
please come on over
there's no line that you cant step right over
without you well i'm left hollow
so can we decide to try a little joy tomorrow
cos baby tonight i'll follow
turn me inside out and upside down
and try to see things my way
turn a new page, tear the old one out
and i'll try to see things your way
the way that we've been speaking now
i swear that we'd be friends, i swear
cos all these little deals go down with
little cosequences, we share, we share
turn me inside out and upside down
and try to see things my way
turn a new page, tear the old one out
and i'll try to see things your way
and i'm gonna love you anyway
try to see things your way
try to see things your way
vanessa
