Sunday, June 24, 2007

sunday!!!
OH NO!!! SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!
):
-wails-
haha.. anyways, today has been pretty good in church and after church.. worship was really good and mr jeffreygoh is HILARIOUSLY good.. the next time he comes and gives a talk, i shall post it here and hopefully some of you guys will attend.. he is one of the VERY FEW people who makes me want to sit up and listen and i can actually stay awake without even trying to.. i just, well, stay awake! anyways, his topic today was about "avoiding the greener grass".. something like handling relationships with the opposite sex.. he gave us 5 pointers to go by.

H. hear (or listen rather)
E. encourage
D. date
G. guard
E. educate
S. satisfy

i wont elaborate much for now because i have something to say..
one of the reasons why i tell you people about my life, about the a little more personal stuff that goes on in my life is that i hope that through my experiences, it will benefit you who needs help.. of course there is the reason that i just want to vent and i need an outlet that is fast and efficient and allows me to go through them when i'm older.. i dont know how the way i am doing things and telling you guys will affect you but i hope, that through all that i've been going through and will go through, you guys will take away something from the things that have been going through in my life.. i know they arent as exciting as other famous blogs you see around, with all the luxurious trips to special exotic countries and stuff, with all their glamourous lifestyle and all.. still, i just really hope that my sharing of personal ordeals and trials will benefit the few of you who read..
for my 'love life'.. it's old news.. haha.. although i am over him, over everything single bit of him, there's the occasional thought of vengence i feel for all the times i've given so much to him.. my YOUTH for goodness sake!!!
6 YEARS!!!
i know.. what must i be thinking isnt it? to actually give THAT GUY!!! 6 long years of my life when i could have done so much more.. not that i regret it, but just the thought of it just makes me upset..
i know the thought of vengence is horribly wrong but it feels so horribly good when i think and talk about the things i could one day do to him that would make him feel bad.. i know i should forgive and forget, live and let live.. but i am still human after all isnt it? i try, i really really do.. i try to think of the things he might be going through and say he has his just desserts and that he's suffering in his own ways.. but i come back to the thought of myself, putting myself in front and think of the things i've been through and just want to squeeze the blood out of him.. make him feel so bad he'd want to wham his head into the wall millions of times.. i want him to feel like those "i-want-to-slit-my-wrist-because-i-am-so-depressed" kind of feeling.. i know it's sick but wouldnt you feel cheated if you were in my shoes? if he saw it coming, he should have said it right out that this would never work instead of trying to be nice to me, being all friendly and all those crap.. i think i took enough crap from him.. i am already over him for those who dont know and think that this post is about me harping on the him.. i just need to let out some steam.. just to rant..
i thank the buddy for lending me that listening eye when i got the news..
(:
on a side note,
sometimes, we all hurt deep down inside but we hide them all when we're with others.. we dont want to appear weak and vulnerable.. we need to maintain that 'strong girl' image so we might feel secure, so we wont be bullied that easily.. but how often does that exterior break at night when we are alone and no one is there to make us feel self-conscious?
well, at least i have my God to turn to when everything falls apart..
(:
that's my comfort in such times.. and hopefully, i will get to show off my good husband to him.. and perhaps i'll make sure the news of my marriage gets to him and then not invite him.. or invite him and make him go ga-ga over my beautiful marriage.. haha!!! okay, maybe not invite him.. eeyer!
haha!! that was just nasty! haha.. but then again, no one knows what the future holds! i might not even get a boyfriend let alone a husband.. oh wells..
(:

anyways, after church, jane and i went to kovan for lunch at kfc, had sweet fellowship then saw a few of the church youths.. turned out, they had a football match with the other sister church. aaron was there also.. haha.. something new i must add.. so after watching them play, the game ended and we went over to our church's side of the field.. they had their talking and suddenly, i heard gabriel, joel and cornelius talking about the bible and it kind of amused me, the way they were talking about it.. then came the question from cornelius
"are you free on saturday nights?"
i asked why then he asked me to join them for bible study..
so i guess i might be going.
but this saturday is a no-no because...
I'M GOING FOR CHRISTINA AGUILERA'S CONCERT!!!!
WOOTS!!!
i know i know.. i suck.. haha!!! but we got the cheapest tickets.. haha.. i must admit that i am a little spoilt by dad.. haha!!! but he knows when to stop and say no.. haha.. i am lucky i know..
(:

so anyways, went for a drink at the nearby market.. had a good time listening to gabriel and cornelius talk about their driving experiences.. haha.. gabriel's going for his test tomorrow if i'm not wrong.. so yes.. very interesting indeed.. anyways. this is pretty much all, and bird's back!
(:
haha.. alrights.. shall leave now, got school tomorrow..
):
haha.. loves!


vanessa