Monday, August 13, 2007
the post below was supposed to be up a long time ago but my internet somehow jammed up. singnet sucks when it's nearing the midnight timing.. for what reason i have no idea.. it always does that.. everything's so freaking slow..
anyways, sunday was spent in church then tutoring my cousins then home then to ikea to meet my other cousin..
church was pretty good i'd say. i like ivin's worship.. as in when he chooses the songs to sing and the things he talks about when he's leading worship, it somehow seems to be like as if God Himself was talking to me.. like as if ivin's the middleman for God, for me..
i must admit that things are seemingly a little bleak because i feel almost like i'm losing my relationship with God. like as if i'm just fading away and almost like not feeling God doing His work in my life.. i mean i know that He's always there for me and all, watching me and keeping me safe.. still i dont feel Him working in my daily things.. it's almost like praying doesnt work no more.. i know i'm backsliding here but maybe this is a way of me trying to get back that spiritual high i always have at camps..
makes one wonder why doesnt it? maybe i'm the only one.. the only one who feels the spiritual high only during camps. then after it all, when you have other things in life to attend to, you lose track of that high and you backslide.. how can i get back that high when i dont know how i got there? sure, God lifted me up and through the help of others, we learn about Him and thus, the high is there.. when the only reason you are there is because you are seeking God and nothing else really is bothering you. no work and stuff.. when your eyes are fixed on God and everyone else around is worshipping.. that's when i get that high. when the message speaks to me and i can feel that God is speaking to me through the speaker.. i like the in-my-face signs that God is with me.. that He is caring.. but am i losing sight of that? am i going back to the times when all i knew was that God's watching over me and i couldnt care or be bothered about the signs? am i? am i losing this battle already?
that's the scary part for me, for now.. i want to feel Him back in my daily life and not just having the knowledge that God's watching over me, keeping me safe..
anyways, the ikea thing was a last minute one because my cousin audrey from dad's side of the family happened to be there and so was her mum so my dad went along.. ooh. her mum is my dad's elder sister so ya. related in that way. haha.. so i cabbed down in a heavy rain and got there.. talked about things and bought a couple of things.. frankly, i didnt get anything other than 5cent cardboard holders. oh yes, i didnt type wrongly. they are FIVE CENTS ONLY.. but the offer's over. sunday was the last day of their annual sale.. but maybe you can still find something you want there!
(:
so had dinner at the alexander coffeeshop and that dear cousin wanted to introduce me to a "really cute guy" whom she met at her friend's wedding.. apparently the guy's in nationalservice now and was the photographer for her friend's wedding.. we were saying he should be around 20-21 years of age now since he was completed his diploma.. like i've once said, i'm not going to take this opportunity and make it seem as if i'm going to consider him as a potential boyfriend because all i'm going to do is hurt myself by giving my poor poor heart hope.. so yes, i'll take this as an opportunity to make more friends.. besides, he's a Christian and a bass guitarist.. how cool and good is that? more Christian friends can NEVER do anyone harm.
(:
so dad decided that we're going to kuishinbo one of these days when most of us cousins are free.. frankly, i'm closer to audrey jie and jonathan gor then the rest of the cousins on dad's side.. i'm blaming it on the lack of communication and the age gap.. haha!!!
alrights..
as for the information that you will read later on in the next post, the juicy news is no longer juicy because it got lost. see, i thought for awhile, i was falling in 'like' with this guy who always seem to make me smile.. dont ask me who it was because i'm not going to say.. unless it's my buddy or minn.. the rest of you are not entitled to ask me.. haha!!! so yes, after mulling over it, i've decided that it's just not right and somehow, nothing will come out of it.. but it was nice to be smiling on a bus after a very long while..
(:
so anyways, here's a song before i go, that seems to pretty much sum up what i want to say to God.. loves!
switchfoot
the shadow proves the sunshine
sunshine wont you be my mother
sunshine come and help me sing
my heart is darker than these oceans
my heart is frozen underneath
we are crooked souls trying to stay up straight
dry eyes in the pouring rain
the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine
two scared little runaways
hold fast to the break of day light
the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine
oh Lord why did You forsake me
oh Lord, dont be far away
storm clouds gathering beside me
please Lord dont look the other way
crooked souls trying to stay up straight
dry eyes in the pouring rain
the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine
two scared little runaways
hold fast to the break of day light
the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine
yeah, yeah, shine on me
yeah, yeah, shine on me
yeah, yeah, shine on me
yeah, yeah, shine on me
crooked souls trying to stay up straight
dry eyes in the pouring rain
the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine
two scared little runaways
hold fast to the break of day light
the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine
yeah, yeah, shine on me
yeah, yeah, shine on me
yeah, yeah, shine on me
yeah, yeah, shine on me
shine on me
let my shadows prove the sunshine
taken from
blogthings are you a sociopathyou are 0% sociopath
-you are empathetic, loyal and introspective
-in other words, there's no way you're a sociopath... but you can spot one pretty easily!
vanessa
