Tuesday, January 29, 2008
hmm. 2 posts in a day. what a treat!
(:
here's something i've realised.
we cant deal with deaths.
like, really.
i dont know if it's the whole ordeal of wondering if the person wants to be alone or if the person might feel awkward talking to people who are not directly affected by the loss of someone dear.
the last time i felt the way i did was the week before the last.
i felt so weird, just looking the normal group of people that i look at, and instead of the usual
"OH HEY! can i sit beside you"
courtesies with the special person, they just walk straight to their clique, and sit straight down. i was pretty much in shock of what i just witnessed. it was so.. weird! so, uncommon.. and they'd sit there and talk and giggle amongst themselves.. although i am not exactly friends with the special person who has lost someone dear, i wanted to bad to just go over and say
"hey, God's still there for you. you can always count on Him."
then walk off or something. but like i said, i wasnt friends with that person and all i could do was watch him/her look around, almost like as if he/she was looking for a comforting smile or a nice greeting, for someone to sit beside him/her..
but then again, generally, most of us might not know what to do when we get to such a stage where we meet someone who loses someone dear and maybe, we might not know what to do. but i'm pretty sure the basics of greeting someone should be instilled in you a long time ago..
it was so disheartening to see that person's face just fall.. and i wondered.
"arent they always saying how close the entire group is? how good the support system is and all that. where is that now?"
looking at it from my perspective, i guess maybe it's a one-sided view.. a biased view because i was probably biased towards them since like, a long time ago.
there were reasons why i didnt want to join them...
they change people. both good and bad.
nope, i dont want to talk about it because it affects me personally.
AHH!!! APRICOTS & HAM!!!
they actually taste pretty nice.. amusing.. eh wait.. they complement each other but kinds of masks the smell of ham.. but i like the smell of ham!
):
okay, back to my point.
this group of people, are probably the main circle of friends this person has. then, to see the majority of his/her friends not talking to him/her, will probably bring him/her down to a lower level then what he/she already is. and trust me, he looked so sad that i actually felt so sorry for him.
so the bottomline of me doing this post? is just that, well, we should learn to care and to cope, even with difficult times.. because it's only during these times, that you know who your real friends are.
because some people say one and behind your back, they mean another. some will bring you down straight in front of you and some, behind you. and i've seen those kinds, and have been those kinds..
an eye for an eye shouldnt apply to me. because i'm not supposed to do that. but when someone gets too much, i guess i just have to learn to control myself and be nicer.
stick to my new year resolutions. be nicer.
and so far, i've done only weights.. for like.. a couple of nights.
considering that my period's coming soon, there goes another week of exercise. no swimming, no running. because all i want to do during that time is just sleep and watch the telly and eat junk food.. because! i cant put on weight during that period of time!
i know.. great stuff isnt it? but when it's arriving, my goodness.. 1 piece of fried chicken and my stomach seems like it has been eating non-stop since the day i could eat on my own.. it's madness... haha!!!
alrights, think i got to scoot off for now. i've got my final major work to do.. some report for my report writing lesson.. then 2 more presentations this week, 1 examination next week.
and my interview for my industrial attachment programme. results will be out this thursday. really scared and i'm praying so hard that i'll get in.. praying so hard.
it's bad actually, that i'm only looking to God now that i need a lot of luck from above.. i think He's going to be angry at me for neglecting my daily walk with Him and all. i need to keep up with my walk. i dont want to backslide all over again.. i dont want doubts and stuff.. i know my faith is there, and all i got to do is believe.. cause faith is like believing. but faith, is believing in what you dont see.
(this song is actually a Christian song)
mat kearney
undeniable
it's undeniable, how brilliant You are
in an unreliable world, You shine like a star
it's unforgettable, that You're undeniable
february 5th, friday morning, purple dawn
broke a yawn, as i stepped through the fog, like i stepped to a song
a moment like a poem, you wish you could hold it
i shut my eyes like it's frozen, its gone when i open
it slipped passed the clouds right there where it lingered
like your band and a girl could slip through your fingers
my feet hit the ground like a beat for the lonely
on a path beaten down by the crowds in the morning
if only i could touch past the phony
if only they were there now to hold me
as the questions keep droning
You're the only one, who stuck it out last night
the only other one who caught the other line
You're the only one when this world collides
the one i cant deny
it's undeniable, how brilliant You are
in an unreliable world, You shine like a star
it's unforgettable, that You're undeniable
it's my last year here
my first class moved to a portable 'a'
under construction since summer
and it's cold today
i can see my breath and whats left of the west parking lot
and all the spaces that we fought
and it all seems forgotten left in the bottom
in past piles of rubble in puddles of rain water
that hurt last night when i left like that
when i wont come back
speaking my peace to the past
i cnt help but wonder, who is this wind at my back
a whisper to walk on, come on from all that
it's undeniable, how brilliant You are
in an unreliable world, You shine like a star
it's unforgettable, that You're undeniable
how am i gonna take it away in this winter wind
You found me on a summer breeze
how am i gonna run away when autumn breaks
now that You've found me in the spring
come on and sing it out
it's undeniable, how brilliant You are
in an unreliable world, You shine like a star
it's unforgettable, that You're undeniable
vanessa
