Friday, April 4, 2008

could it be my fault
the truth didnt sink in, it hit me.
hard.
what do i make of it? a punishment because of what i've done, a lesson to be learnt in the process?
punishment or lesson, it's way over my head.. way over the limit of which i can take.. i wont be able to handle anything should something go wrong.

it's so difficult to just wait, to just pray and let God take my steering wheel.
i'm trying, trying so hard, to hope everything's going to go really smoothly, that it's just another one of those things that just happens.
but i dont know what i'd do if things dont turn out the way i want them to.

will my faith falter?
will i seek comfort in the Lord?
will i have the courage to face the future?
i dont know and i want it to stay that way.
i dont want to go through something major just to find out..

as much as i know God loves us
as much as i know He does everything for our good
as much as i know God cares for us
i dont know why this has to happen

still i know i will put my faith in the Lord.
but at the same time, i want things to do the way i want them to.
because i dont want to hurt, and i dont want to lose him.

vanessa