Thursday, April 3, 2008

everyday we make choices that make or break our future..
even the smallest details..
drinking a glass of water perhaps?

most often than not, we make the choice that breaks, that spoils, that tarnishes our future..
and i speak not just physically, but mentally, spiritually..
the different aspects of our lives that affect us as a whole..

as much as i would love to say i dont make mistakes and all, you and i both know that as humans, we all sin.. we make the wrong choices and bring ourselves down..
from a Christian standpoint, the bad choices that i make, can pull me away from God, to make me feel distant from him.
why?
because there is the guilt of it. personally, if i've done something wrong, i'd prefer not to listen to Christian songs for a period of time because i feel that i've betrayed God, i feel more dirty, more unholy, more unsuitable to come before God and Jesus, to share a relationship.
it's like being married to someone and then you cheat on that someone. you lie, you do things that will damage the relationship and then you'd want to distant yourself because you feel like you dont belong anymore..
agree?

i have my personal struggles in my relationship with God.
things that i'm ashamed of, things that i wish i could have not done.
yet like what they say, "what's done is done"
and i know God forgives me for the wrongdoings i've committed, and i have to face the consequences of it..
still, there's this barrier that stops me from going further into the relationship. yes, the guilt.. it's so difficult to overcome that because there's the fact that i've done wrong, and the fact that i cant just, forget about it.
as i live my life each day, i struggle.
with each struggle, i either emerge victorious, or i fall flat down on my face and the entire guilt thing comes in and the memory of it wouldnt go away..
but as of now, i will pray as i face each struggle, to have the determination and will to pass through whatever has been thrown to me..

well, we are all still learning isnt it?
Christian arent sinless.
we try to sin less..
that though that may comfort me, i will remember to strive to be sinless..

"You loved me
when i was so unlovely
You found me
when i was lost
You showed me
how much You really loved me
when You crowned me
with Your steadfast love"

vanessa