Monday, April 7, 2008

throughout the entire day yesterday and today, i've been praying, i've seen signs, (or so i'd like to call them)
the prominents ones made me break down, made me just want to thank the Lord, made me just want to, let it all go and trust only in Him.
yet at the same time, i knew my human nature held me back, and i didnt trust God as much i would love to.
so anyways, the first prominent one that made me cry was when i was spending a lone time with God in the basement of church.
i was blaming myself, thinking about the wrong things i've done in my life that led up to this moment. i remembered all the times i've sinned, went against God and the commandments that i've broken.
then i wanted to flip through the bible, for a comforting verse.
and when i randomly flipped, i came to this

ecclesiastes 9:7 & 8
go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; for God has already accepted your works.
let your garments always be white, and let your head lack no oil.

i read, and cried.
i felt God comforting me, telling me that this shouldnt be the cause of what i've done in my past. i've been cleansed of my sins, there are no more stains, i am pure.

then came the second miracle.
i was so desperate for a human contact, that somehow, timo's name came to mind and the next thing i knew, he walked into the basement and came to talk to me. there's something about timo's presence, it's very comforting somehow.. and he made me laugh while i picked up the cockroach which he tried to kick out and after that, i felt a little lighter.

third,
was during lesson, when michael was teaching.
towards the end of the lesson, he told us to remember the times that we were close to God, the times when we felt God's presence, the times when we were blessed by God, His works, His miracles.
and it was then, i recalled the times that God was with me, beside me, watching over me and i knew that i had to continue to have faith, to continue to trust in God.

fourth
was this morning.
when i was going out, i was thinking of the things i wanted to tell my church on sunday, at the pulpit, about how it was so difficult for me to praise God during this period of time. it was during that time, that i turned on my ipod and saw the first song was an n'sync song.
i wanted to listen to it, but something made me click the fast forward button and listen to the next song. turns out, the next song was casting crowns' - praise You in this storm
i wanted so much to cry right on the spot, which happens to be at the bus stop.
as much as i wanted to praise God, i dont know how to.
i could only say "God, help me, answers my prayers because i know i am Your child and You love me."
it really amazed me that throughout the entire time, when i felt like as if it was so hard to trust in God, He showed me so many signs that just makes me want to lift His name on high, to tell the world that my God, is so real, that He's right here with me.

i realised, always, looking on hindsight, that throughout my darkest moments when i'm struggling with my faith, that God never fails to show me His grace and mercy, to make me believe in Him.
and i am grateful, thankful, for what He has done.

so anyways, an update on the situation for those who dont already know.
we went to the specialist at mount elizabeth hospital today, to see doctor tong.
he saw from the x-ray flims and said it doesnt seem anything sinister, doesnt seem cancerous but the growth would most probably be better to be removed.
we're all very relieved but we're continuing to pray, that the doctor's diagnosis is right and that it's just nothing much to worry about. we're praying for healing from God, that the growth will disappear on its own so shawn doesnt have to go for the operation and he'll be able to fence and do his napfa and all that..
i believe God can and will do all things if He deems fit.
i will believe.
and i thank each one, for the prayers that you guys have showered on us, thank you prayer warriors. they mean the world to us.
so we're going for an MRI tomorrow to determine the size and extent of the bone tumour, then decide to remove from there. so please continue to pray for us, for the doctors wisdom, for peace too.
many thanks and glory be to God for His love.

vanessa