Thursday, May 29, 2008

ahh! i'm still super addicted to david cook's rendition of "always be my baby"!!!
it has been on repeat on my ipod from work, all the way back home. and now, i'm still listening to it!! it's a super addiction!!!

so anyways.. i am proud to say, i've passed 6 weeks of attachment, and ending my 7th this week. or did i see it wrongly. but either way, it's been more than a month working at the company. pretty cool.. i dont know if i can survive that long if i were a full time permanent staff there though. haha..

ANYWAYS!!!
(:
i helped make sushi for dinner today! i came back from work, feeling immensely physically tired. and a wee bit stoned mentally.
but mum made me learn from her the techniques of making sushi. the amount of vinegar, rice and the method of rolling the sushi.
i did try my best! okay, that wasnt very honest. but i did try!
mummy's rolling was DEFINITELY truck loads better than mine. then again, i think i did pretty well for a beginner. haha!
shawn was complaining that my sushi was very something. i cant remember the exact word that he used but it means something like "wrapped very badly and everything's so loose!"
haha!!! i guess i need more exercises on rolling. haha!!! all in all, it turned out pretty okay... ah! shawn. haha!! he wanted a hand-roll and guess what he called hand-roll in japanese?
"oy! make california handroll"
so immediately, i remember that california handroll required avacado. so i told him we didnt have any avacado and he started questioning mummy about a round thing. haha!!
then i realised, he was talking about "TEMAKI"
which is handroll in japanese. or so they say in japanese menus. haha!!

and that was dinner. after dinner, hung around in front of the television set and then went upstairs to shawn's room to disturb him. poked him, slapped him.. haha!! i know!! it's super mean.. but at the same time.. that's bonding for the both of us.. haha!!!
then i was bugging him to play the guitar cause i miss his playing..
so. i took out his small guitar and i strummed while he pressed the chords. it was UBER FUNNESS!!! haha.. if there is such a word. haha!! we were laughing the entire time.. and my index finger is now swollen from the strumming.. haha!!! too fun.. haha!!! i have to do that one more time. haha!!

alrights.. haha. i havent got much to talk about and probably, nothing nice to talk about that will intrigue you guys.
i mean, i realised, when i'm feeling down, i have more things to say, more "poems" or whatever you guys would call it.. when i am having fun and nothing sad is happening, i have nothing to blog about. not that i want sad things to happen to me and all, but i guess what some people say is true after all. that sadness brings out the better in some people. brings out the motivation and whatever stuff, that will make the artist write or sing better songs or stories and anecdotes.
my life's been pretty still. but as what one of my books say, "still waters runs deep"
so my life has really been pretty still and at the same time, so many things are happening that i dont feel as much as i thought i would. or maybe i could just be in denial of the things that are happening to me and the world that i live in, that i chose to shut out the things that really matter. i chose to ignore the things that i knew could hurt me emotionally and mentally and just replace them with feelings like proudness and rebellion and just seem as strong as i know i should be.
it seems like as if, if i take things in my stride, keep the things that bother me at bay and just make everything seem like "it's okay" to me, i guess i'll keep all of that the same way. my real problems will be always there yet it's going to be okay..
get my drift?
if i act this way, it will become this way.

in a way, i feel, all of us, we have something that we will keep in denial..
and we use jokes to cover the hurt, the pain, the things that we choose to deny in our lives.
ultimately, we will have to face some day dont we?
the skeletons in our closets and the cobwebs in the basement..
maybe we all have our own ways of dealing with pain. blame someone else, blame ourselves, laugh, cry, scream and the list goes on. yet at the same time, with each pain that comes our way and with each denial that we learn to accept, we grow and learn, to better ourselves and love ourselves for the way we are and not for what we should portray.
then again, isnt it all that contradicting, comparing that with the world that we live in?
where everyday, you look at skinny models and they are the epitome of "good-looks"
and everyone drives themselves crazy, running on treadmills, lifting weights, diets, pills and everything else that will allow you to be as stick-thin as they are.
isnt the world a funny place to be?

vanessa