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Friday, May 30, 2008

it's funny how all of a sudden, i feel like as if, i miss someone.
i think minn's going to kill me if she sees this.

why cant we forget someone we want to forget? despite all the tries, i can get him off my mind. i still remember him. i dont keep thinking of forgetting him. i keep doing things that will get my mnd off him and concentrate on other things that interests me.. talking to friends who are nice and always making me do different things.. nice guys who keep my mind off him..
yet, some things still remind me of the things that used to be.

i got bored during work today and i went to my blog and started reading on my past entries.
then i realised, i shouldnt have deleted my past couple of blogs.
-shakes head-
i wanted to see how i've felt through all the years of knowing myself and coming to know what i've been feeling through the times..
i remember being super emotional in my younger days, and also very vulgar. haha.. what would happen if i were the same person? nah, i dont want to think about it.. but i'm pretty sure some of my friends would remember me being that horrible. haha..

well, as much as i'd like to say that guys are shitty things, i know it isnt true because i've seen and personally know some really great guys. so if i were to say that guys are "all the mean things", i would be lying.
yet at the same time, with the knowledge of the things that has happened to me, and my family, its hard to see the good in most guys. cause all that comes to mind is how hard life is with guys.
and again, at the same time, i've always longed for a relationship.
it's funny and complicated to me, the way i say that i'll learn to love God and dump "relationships" aside and here i am, talking about how i wish i was in a relationship. someone to share the things that love brings.
i guess, until i've learnt to put God first in my life, to treat Him like the first love that i've ever had, i wont be in a relationship.. it's something i cant explain but i somehow feel that this is the way it should be..

vanessa


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