pictures!so, played monopoly. and it was the second time in my entire life of playing, that i went bankrupt.
-sulks-
yeah, i mortgaged all my properties; which wasnt a lot, seriously speaking.
but on the second round, i was rich baby! haha.. the first picture, my properties and that's less than half of my riches. haha!!! i was 3k rich in cash!!! WOOTS! haha.. i had 8 houses which was replaced by 1 red hotel because there wasnt enough space. haha!!! but towards the end, audrey took 2k from me because i stepped into her freaking property. man, she has good luck in that game. so we took pictures with her slr nikon camera which was pretty hilarious. haha. took picture in the middle of the road, as seen in the last picture. then there's number 3 where audrey said it looked like as if we were in malaysia. haha.. pretty cute picture if you'd ask me..
so anyways, will be staying over at her place on monday night to go play water on tuesday morning. haha..
alrights.. i was feeling a little down the past entry because of all that's happening around me. family issues, world issues, religion issues.
i know i havent been attending church regularly. okay fine, 3 weeks...
but suddenly there isnt a motivation to go in the morning. there're always deterents that bring me to the decision of not wanting to go church.. i dont feel the passion i used to have during the holidays when i had time to talk to God and spend time reading His word. i would be wrong to say it's because of work. but at the same time, i could say partly it would be that. i feel so tired everyday when i come back. then when i'm going to bed, i'd listen to music, just music. no Christian songs to help me soothe my tired mind.. just secular music that reminds me of things that i dont want to recall.. and without proper worship, i just feel left out from God.. nearly like, not being a Christian and all.. my spiritual life isnt as beautiful as i think it should be.. it's dull and bleak. and it sucks, to not feel God in my life as much as i want Him to be.
so this week has been a little rough with work and life.
becoming 20 in a couple of months doesnt make much of a difference to me.. my life is still the same as it was last year and the year before. just more burdens and more things to consider as i mature.. growing older in my family isnt a good thing to look forward to. higher expectations, more burdens and more problems that never ends.. more responsibility to shoulder and more decisions to make with each passing day. i mean, in our modern society, how many girls face the things i face? okay, maybe there are a lot. but that's not the point. i'm just saying that it feels like i'm shouldering so much, it's taking its toll on me. on my character, on my being. i see the bad in people and it's so hard to be nice anymore.. life with all its bleakness just drags me under it's blanket and suffocates me, forcing me to be the way it is or i'd just be deemed as weird. so i've submitted to it's demand and now, as i try to change, i realise that it's becoming really difficult to be as nice as i used to.. i've started making sarcastic remarks and remember the things that people has done wrong to me.. i think i could blame them on some friends who do the same and i've conformed to the things they do, to hurt others with the snide remarks..
i'll try, to change. to keep my mouth from the weapons of destruction.. i'll try to stop saying mean things.
yet at the same time, i cant stop blaming people.
vanessa
