Thursday, July 24, 2008

hey guys! here's a post from yesterday!

wednesday already. soon, i'll be doing my presentation and the internship will be over. yeah. a little sad, a little happy. what bittersweet goodbye.
like what they say, "what an oxymoron aye"
haha. yeah. in case you dont know what an oxymoron
there you have it.

so! i went mini-shopping yesterdat after work. haha!!!
bought a top from cotton on and a levi's signature at 49.90. it's such a steal really.
but frankly, even if it isnt for the brand name, its still quite cheap.
NOTE: QUITE.
not DAMN cheap. haha!
i mean look at giordano! their jean prices are hiking upwards while their quality is sliding downhill. even their clothes look crappy now. its really sad. i used to love to go into giordano and look for nice clothes. so, cotton on at novena's velocity, is having this major sale; most of the clothes are going for less than 10bucks other than those "2 for $20" and stuff. its pretty cheap i'd say. considering they have so many colours to choose from. ah yes, i am a sucker for colours. haha!!! my latest product is baby green! or is it lime green. maybe its baby lime green. haha!!! long sleeved and it's a long top. i love long tops. cover my butt, just in acse a wardrobe malfunction happens. haha!!! it works just fine as a layering top too! ah yes, the versatility! what love. haha.

these few days, i've been thinking. of relationships. of love, of friends, of family, of the other things that has been making its rounds in my mind.
of the things that i've cried over, that i've mulled over and that i've been happy over.
of the 4 major categories that i've thought if, 2 of them, brings me so many memories. love and family.

love, it's pretty obvious who and why.
not that i still have immense feelings for him or anything. i just miss this friend whom i've shared common interests with. music and shows...
i read my past entries the other day, and remembered something he once told me before he decided to cut me out. he said he hoped we could still be friends and if i had any problems. he hoped that i would still go look for him. and it's funny how things turned out isnt it? always breaking and making empty promises. always saying things yet never coming around to do them.
and for that, i do resent him.
people tell me i should forget him. but really, how do you forget someone? you can remember primary school friends, some even kindergarten friends. what more a secondary school friend who gave you so many memories; life lessons on love. none of which self-help books will teach. especially not if that person made you commit 7years to something that didnt even have a proper closure. of course i will remember him.
you know, i dont know if i've said this before, but the 2 conflicting sides of me are really crazy.
the angelic side of me says i really care and hope his family is well and stuff.
yet the devilish side of me says i should make him regret what he did. be famous, be established, find someone who's really rich and good looking and stuff. then invite him to the wedding or make sure he hears about it but dont invite him. you know? the really bitchy stuff? haha yeah.
i know it's uber mean. but this is really how i am sometimes. a little revengeful.
but yes, i am over him. and that's a fact.

family on the other hand, can never change. they are after all, directly related to you isnt it.. i wouldnt tell you to "accept them as they are" because is so difficult to. most of the time, i want to change them. give them rules.
its hard, as a Christian, when we're supposed to not judge others. but yet, its part of human nature to judge. we look at someone different and we say things behind their back. as long as something is different, we judge. you can argue that making comments inside judging, but as long as you point a finger and say things like "i think she should cover herself up." that is judging.
and as much as i would like to deny the fact that i do judge, i cant. i look at someone whose values contradicts mine and it just maes me judge that person. even when the person's values differ from what he or she believes, i will have my opinion of that person.
and it's really funny you know, when someone scolds someone else for doing a particular things and the person is doing it herself.
take my cousin for example. she said the following on her blog

"We don't insult or criticize each other! Or say mean and rude things and make him or her embarrassed!
I am totally disgusted with you and anymore of such behaviors will only make me think more badly about you. You are someone whom has higher education background then me, and why are you behaving in this manner which is so de-grading?
In conclusion, JUST GROW UP F*GTARD..."

i mean really, she's just talking right back about herself isnt it? here she is on her blog, saying how someone shouldnt say mean things and stuff and right at the end, she calls the poor other person a -tard.
well, i only can say "judge, and be judged"
oh, and it's a copy and paste paragraph other than the last word. i dont have much problems with my english other than a couple of typographical errors here and there. ah yes, the occasional grammatical errors.
although hardly i must say. haha!!!
and yes, i will be judged. that, i know. like i said, i didnt say i dont judge. i try hard not to, but when the occasion calls for it, when someone cant stand up for him/herself, i will try, to help. depending on the situation too of course. now why would i want to cause trouble for myself unless i deem the situation fit? dont want unnecessary problems aye.

life, as we know it, is filled with so many things. and its these things, that makes life a little more interesting.

anyways! a song before i go!
i REALLY like this song. i think it has a tinge of the classics. a touch of the oldies. ah, a very good song. i think they should do a music video on this song.

lifehouse : easier to be
chasing fireflies
elusive dreams
this pre-life crisisi
s killing me
a beautiful tragedy
who i was, i wasnt me

you make it easier to be
easier to be me
its hard to believe
you make it easy..

we speak in silence
words cant break
if feels like we are
falling awake
in a place and a time
of our own

you make it easier to be
easier to be me
its hard to believe

it felt like the world
fell from my feetg
ave up on myself
you didnt give up on me
let myself go
you were still there
like coming home
coming up for air

you make it easier to be
easier to be me
its hard to believe
you make it easy

vanessa.c