Tuesday, July 1, 2008

life is such a bitch right now.
i'm so tempted to use vulgarities to relieve the anger inside me. it's like, no matter how much i try to make things funny for me to laugh, when i get home, i feel the anger boiling. day after day, the temperature rises. there's no cooler for me to chuck the anger..
everyday, someone else pisses me off.
this home, feels like a burden.
feels like a prison that i cant help feeling for. cant leave.

it's funny how people are isnt it. most people anyway.
we tend to remember the bad things others do, burn the incident in our head and take it out every once in awhile to bring the person down.
yet when the same person does something good/beneficial to you, you choose to say "he/she is supposed to do that anyway" or choose to simply forget it.
then there's the worser kinds where they choose to tell the entire world about the horrible things you've done and NOT tell the same world the nice, small things you've done.
so all the world learns about is how shitty you are.
now how is that fair?
how is that justified?
how this make you a better person?
oh, it certainly doesnt work for me.
it doesnt work for me when i do something good and dont get recognition.
it doesnt work for me when i do something bad and i get all the recognition in the world. all the scorns and all the "must-do"s
i'd say it's all shit.
all pure shit.

i choose to remember some of the bad things that people to do to me, because it tore me apart. it broke and brought me down. it sliced me right at the core. it deflated my self esteem, made me feel useless. made me feel like i dont belong. less trust-worthy. less worthy of everything. i dont deserve this, dont deserve that.

but hey, who am i to say anything aye. i'm but just a girl in this world.
what i can do but cut to myself off, from the things that bring me pain.
that is the only way i know i can handle things.

life, is really a bitch right now.

vanessa