Sunday, September 28, 2008
it's 2300h and i think, i'm going to sleep really soon!
):
and i'm supposed to blog alot today. haha!!!
but anyways, before today ends, i'll blog on whatever i've written at work for this week!
wednesday 24/09/08
i've never felt so spent in a pretty long time.
i honestly want to close my eyes and sleep despite being awake for more than 4 hours.
i dont really know whats draining me of my energies, depleting me of my liveliness.
i'm not feeling dreary or anything close to 'depressed', but each day just seems to drone on and on. i can simply lie on my bed for less than 15mins and fall asleep, and then, the next thing i know, timbaland, nelly furtado and justin timberlake starts rapping in my ear. i'd say my sleep was undisturbed and very peaceful; no weird dreams or very sweet ones for that matter. of course i wish i had good dreams. then again, if i had nice dreams, i'd be really pissed when i wake up. haha!!!
according to the number of days that i've marked on the calendar that i have in front of me, today's the 17th day before i end work! then it's 19 more days to the start of school. to a certain point, i dont want to stop working, but i do prefer hanging out with friends in school. could be because i've got a little more freedom at school as compared to being at work; being able to surf the internet, still being spoon-fed with information, being able to interact with friends and laugh as loud as i want. i think i just miss the company that i have with my closer accomplices.
darn! it's not even 1030h! i wish it was thursday already. then i can lookg forward to a leave and sushi with frances. man do i want to sleep!
i've been thinking too. wait. i dont think i'll want to talk abot it.
if i mention things about him, then everything'stoo obvious. not very good aye? especially since this is most likely wishful thinking on my part. yet i'll still say "a girl can dream, cant she?"
(:
it's so diffiult to not tlak about the things i want to talk about. i want to tell the world how i feel about someone. or maybe a couple. in this case, a couple, literally means a couple. in other words, 2 people. both of them, are really nice guys. they dont give me the crazy rush of adrenaline when i'm around them. although there is the urge to be more than what i already am, i dont feel the need to impress on them what i can or cannot do.
it's very different from what i've felt when i met hongtat. i remember distinctly that there was a hint of fear. not really beng scared of him, yet its somewhere along the lines of intimidation. as much as i had liked him, that sense of inability to communicate and see eye-to-eye with him just burns everything down to mere ashes.
so, there's this weird sense of comfort without feeling too comfortable.
actually, honestly, i dont know how to put them into words. i just feel, comfortable when they're around. i can look them straight in the eye without feeling embarassed or always trying to catch a glimpse of them.
i dont know if its love or just another one of those infatuations. but i'll tell you guys something. this, is definitely different.
a totally different feeling, a totally different experience, and i feel good.
(:
(i dont know when i wrote this! haha!!! but i'm guessing it's monday!)
how does love feel?
does it make you self-conscious about the way you look, the way you carry yourself?
i dont know how real love feels. love between 2 humans of the opposite sex.
the affection and love that is showered upon each other, being concerned for each other's welfare and such.
dont tell me about butterflies in my stomach because they dont exist. i've never felt woozy or light-hearted.
still, the recent interests have a different take. no "weak at the knees", no "heart-raching". none of the things i've experienced before. i just feel comfortable. it's almost like saying "i can be myself".
to a certain extent, i feel amazed at wha i feel. of course this is an entire differeny ballgame as compared to the first time i've liked a guy.
for 2 stark differences, the religion card comes into play, and that i am friends with the parties mentioned.
i dont know if i've ever mentioned but i've never really held a proper conversation with hongtat. i think the number of times we exchanged words can be counted on a single hand. haha!! and i'd give it a maximum of 4. how things could have bee, might have been, would amazed me by any standards.
so, with love interests back in my life, everyday feels a lot brighter somehow.
although i dont know if the scars left by hongtat would ever heal, i guess things would definitely be better with new motives to wake up to and more things to smile about isnt it!
i've never felt this happy in quite a long time.
of course i have good times with my dear cousins and friends. but this, this is another level of joyfulness i'm talking about!
yet, as comfortable as i feel around them, i cant help but feel a little inferior. i wont go into details about the ways and reasons why i feel this way, but just know that i do. the reasons might be really silly but hey, i am who i am right! haha!!!
again, i have to add, things are definitely looking a lot brighter and i'm feeling very different since yesterday. i couldnt stop smiling, i couldnt stop being happy. its pretty much everything around me being happy for me.
FEEL! this morning's cool weather? absolutely beautiful!
(:
i dont know how things will turn out in the future but i hope life's going to be good with love. i honestly cant imgaine me being old and single. that's just scary and i'm most likely going to be so darn miserable.
so, as tempted as i am to reveal the identities of the objects of my affection, i will refuse to do so! haha!!!
i mean, i'm still quite the traditional girl in the sense that i dont want to make the first move. and until things are different as compared to what/where they are now, i wont reveal much.
still, i know it's going to be difficult to refer to each of them without mentioning names and hints about him.
haha!!!
life is good as of now.
pretty good..
more updates soon!
loves!
vanessa.c
