Saturday, September 20, 2008

okay!!!
here's another round of complaining..

carol says
"if you think i've bene interfering in your biz btw your and your mom then i'm sorry. for its she who came pouring to me. and its only human for me to ask you out of concern. i'm sorry if you found me irritating. as for your critiques toward me and audrey, i accept them. i didn know you are so short fused.

as for my brother, you dont live with him. so you cant comment on anything.

the thing is, as much as i disagree with how you treat your mother, i still treat you as an equal. unjustified is how i feel with the way you treated me.

like you, audrey is still learning. and you giving her judgements is unfair. for she didn judge you. instead offers her advices.

but since you are not keen on qny reconcillation, i'll leave it here."

and here were my replies.
"why follow my blog when you think you're right?

tell the judging thing to people she's offended when she mindlessly shouts at them. tell them she's still learning to be nice. and do keep the sent messages. show pple who didnt want the patch up.

short-fused? you must have not read my words properly. like what i've said, i'm not the type to blow up within a short time. i get pissed only when i think the crap has gone on for too long and when i cant stand it. and this happens to just be it. pple can vouch for my temper. i'll stand up for those who couldnt stand up for themselves when you scolded them without being just and understanding. for all the sarcasm, the making fun of, the vulgarities, the judgement you guys throw at others without thinking. simply because i cannot take it. there're always consequences. and i've thought of them. i reflect before and aft i've said things. i refuse to knowingly make use of pple. but does she. i can list them because i was affected directly and i cant take it. we were fine until she decided to bring up the money issue. 'relationship spoilt all because of 13bucks' now tell me who's at fault. she didnt have to reply to that particular blog entry. i mean, how does she know its her unless its guilt? agree? there was no name. could have been my friend. but she replied. guilt? maybe. i've tried to be understanding but alas, things are as they are.

oh, and for the record, i wonder whose fuse is shorter when you guys burst out scolding other pple on the spot while i control for say, an even longer time."

okay. the problem i have with carol is this.
why so childish, to bother the older generation with problems of our generation? like what a friend said
"its like quarrelling with a friend and bringing the issue up to the principal"
honestly.. makes sense doesnt it? clearly you want to be the "righteous one". peace-maker or whatever is it. but with the steps you're taking, are you trying to make peace? or create more problems between my mum and i? and you didnt "ask" as you've said. you questioned my moves and told me what i should do.
"your mother did this, your mother did that"
and here's the thing too, you dont live with my mother. so can you comment on it too? you know her habits? you know her quirks? bet you dont. you dont ask what really happens, on BOTH sides. thats the problem when you budge in.. thanks for your concern, but it came the wrong way.
and what is it with the equal thing? did you want to treat me differently? and you dont have the least bit of idea of what goes on behind the doors of the house i live in. so how do you know how i treat my mother, and how my mother treats me?
now tell me, does she tell you what i do for her? if your answer is yes, list them. if they tally with what i've done, then you are justified in saying what you did. otherwise, you should take back what you said. (including what you said about your brother. isnt it the same situation.)
audrey didnt judge? come on, refer back to her own blog.
go, run to the adults and cry, tell them how nasty i've been. ah yes, dont forget to add the other nasty things you've done too. it's only fair isnt it.

i actually have tons to say.. i could rattle on a whole list of things that bugged me.. but as for now, i choose not to..
but i sure can imagine them looking at these words and start calling me vulgar names. honestly.

they might think i've changed. but ask my friends, and they'll tell you i havent changed.
it's just that these cousins havent seen the other side of me.
i'll be nice when you're nice. but if you go behind my back and start doing crap, then hey, dont blame me if things turn out the way they do.. of course, there's always the grace period. mostly, i'm nice. i wont tell things to your face and with that, silently hope you change. shuwei can tell you how true this is. and i stand by my principles that people should be given chances. but when i cant take it, then well, here's the example.
i know this image i currently portray is a stark contrast to what i've usually been. but hey, if i dont stand up for myself and others now, how many more people would be scolded by them? how many more people will be used? how many more people would be trodded on? that, i cannot contemplate.
if you want respect, give it.
think before you say things.
reflect on the things said.
dont belittle others just so you'll feel good.
dont make use of people.
dont judge when you dont want to be judged.

wait. just 1 more thing.
they question why samantha and nicholas dont attend family functions.
well, here's my answer.
when the family comes, they dont get the "preferential" treatment.
at wenfu's wedding. they didnt bother to talk to nicholas.
at chinese new year, they look at the family with judgemental stares just because they dress differently. i mean, there are other reasons they dont want to gather with the family, mostly associated with not being talked to because questions always end up with sarcasm. so why do they not want to come to family functions?
if they want to choose who they want to hang out with, fine by me. but choosing cousins? now that's a whole different situation. so tell me, why do people not want to hang out with them.

as cold as this entry may seem, a passion drives this entry. a passion to change. a passion to be the voice when others remain silent. a fierce passion to stand up for the people i care about.
oh my, i do sound patriotic. haha! sounds something the PAP would chant at a rally. haha!!!
so, a last note before i lay my passionate head to bed!
as said before in one of the previous entry, this rubbish that carol had to bring up to adults will end, one day.. but in her own words, she says she'll leave it as it is.. so again, tell me, reconcillation, who's rejecting it?

and before i go. a song from the list of my favourites! happens to bring back memories too.. loves!!!

3 doors down
here without you

a hundred days had made me older
since the last time that i saw your pretty face
a thousand lights has made me colder
and i dont think i can look at this the same
but all the miles that separate
they disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face

i'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, it's only you and me

the miles just keep rolling
as the people either way to say hello
i've heard this life is overrated
but i hope that it gets better as we go

i'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight girl, it's only you and me

everything i know
and anywhere i go
it gets hard but it wont take away my love
and when the last one falls
when its all said and done
it gets hard but it wont take away my love

i'm here without baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight girl, it's only you and me

vanessa.c