Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i'm sorry if i break
i'm sorry if i fall
the world seems so fake
i tend to build my walls
i'd wear my heart on my sleeve if i knew i was strong enough.
i'd take each love and let my heart be weathered and worn.
but my heart's in my hand and the love's for the taking.
i've got the emo-vibes.
):
my period's taking so long to come.
i've got tons of work.
i've got problems to keep my brain working with weird dreams at night.
i've got things to be sad about.
i've got a senior getting engaged next year in february and it makes me sad because.. i think it's obvious.
of course i like being single, of course i enjoy the time that i can go out with my friends.
but i wish i knew how it felt like to go out with someone, to hold hands, to love, to do silly things together and pass each day away and to know someone loves me back.
i've always wanted to put God first and trust Him totally with my life. yet at the same time,
everything seems to get in the way. i seem to let everything get in the way. my schoolwork, my shortcomings, my stupid excuse of being "just human".. i let a part of my past cloud my perceptions of trusting God. and i know, a part of my past reminds me of how good God has been to me.
although the good outweighs the bad, i just cant help thinking that when things dont go my way, i always take it that God has disappointed me, that He didnt listen to me and He wants to see me suffer. i mean i know that God doesnt want me to suffer all the time but it's because of my own decisions that i would suffer..
or maybe He wanted me to feel pain before letting me on, about a better love that i "deserve".
we could debate all our lives and never come to a conclusion about this.
so, as i type, i feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and my hands standing on their ends to stop me from feeling so cold.
why does life have to like this?
why cant we all just fall in love just once and be married and live happily ever after?
why cant life is simpler and everything was in place?
why cant love be pure and simple?
why.
vanessa.c
