Sunday, November 2, 2008

m2m - what you do about me

at the request of peggy, here it goes!
so, previously blogged, i wanted to talk about friends, in general.
we all have friends, who have personalities and different traits. these are the people who will make or break you, depending on the kind of friends you make. which is proper judgement in your part.
yet there are times, when these friends, turn out to be someone that you just to strangle, to slap, to just leave in a corner to rot. it could be that they're that scheming or cunning, to make use of you. then again, people do change isnt it?
i have dilemmas of my own, when i am tempted by others to give up a friendship that i hold dear, to draw the line clearly between being friends and being work-mates. where do i draw the line, i dont know. how am i going to draw the line, i dont know too.. there are so many factors to consider that i lose sight of what means the world to me..
you listen to their speeches and their incessant talk of how you shouldnt be made use of this way and at the same, they dont know how they are making use of you.. and you dont know how to tell it to them.
i honestly dont mind if people "make use" of me although i would stop at a certain point at a certain time. but to constantly be breathing down my neck, always expecting this and wanting this, is a whole different situation.. when there is a motive for every whim and whimper, i honestly dont see why i should give in.. when the motive for the friendship is weirdly twisted, how then do i rectify what damage has been done? when i know the possibilities that someone can do, all for his/her own personal gain, how then do i continue to trust that person with the knowledge that one day, the same thing might happen to me?
i mean of couse we are all but human and i admit there are times (eg. frances) when i wanted to shake her violently and tell her to do work in the past semester, to make her pay attention in class so she could understand our studies better and not ask questions when i'm trying to hard myself, to do my own work. i am glad this semester, that she has been doing just that and have definitely noticed the big change in studying.
(:
i probably have tons of moments of my own, when i dont know what i'm doing and just give up and my other friends ike peggy huifen and shuwei have to explain and help me.. they probably wanted to strangle me at times too i reckon. haha!!!

and just thought i should add, some friends, dont think before they talk and words do hurt. being sarcastic doesnt make anyone seem more cool or make you feel better.. especially if you're not the kind whom everyone thinks that you're funny. after awhile, the novelty wears off and whatever that comes out from that mouth, is just insulting and obviously, when people dont want to talk to you, dont ask why and get angry when people say you dont think when you open your mouth. it is only right that they get angry when all you do is be so negative about other people!

then there are friends who dont seem like friends anymore.. i take comfort in knowing my dear buddy and ting come to me on msn, text message, always asking me to meet them one of these to just hang out. no motives, just hang out.. no need for fancy dinners or lunches. just over a simple cake. but i've hardly had time to meet them other than ting, whom i just came back from a shopping spree at the market near our house. haha!!!

f.y.i., we went to buy canned drinks at 50cents each.. valudollar store closing down hence the cheap sales. haha!

so, its hard to see the changes from an outsider's point of view and i'm not the one to say things straight in their faces, but to just keep it in for awhile, bitch about it, then after a long while, when i honestly cannot take it, then i'll just.. EXPLODE. haha!!!
imagine that huh! bits and pieces of vanessa all over. quite gross considering my fat around the legs and stomach. haha!!!

i do miss the times in primary school or kindergarten, when everyone you meet, becomes your best friend. when everything was so pure. simple. innocent.
life huh..

so for now, i'll take things as they come, and work things out from there.

and i should add again..
theory in life for me? (as taught by my dad). dont discriminate. always be friends if you can help it. not because of the fact that you might need their help in the future, but to be known that when you die, you had a heart of gold, for people to remember you by..

should get some exercise into my system soon. i think my period's around the corner, within the next couple of days? which means another week of procrastination because i dont like to move around much when its here.. so dont expect me to go out much either. although i'm meeting shaowei and melvin sometime this week. think it's friday if i'm not mistaken.. if they're lucky, i'll not meet them and they can spend time together!!! HAHA!!!
i cant imagine them going out together, watching a movie. HAHA!!! they'll probably get funny stares.. its not that bad if they had another guy along. HAHA!!! i shall contemplate on that funny thought and laugh myself to sleep tonight. haha!!!
alrights. before i leave, maybe i should talk about.. starting over in love the next time?! any suggestions?!

vanessa.c