Tuesday, January 13, 2009

i havent told you guys everything that happened the past couple of days during the weekends and i'll probably try to squeeze them in in this post.
friday, after the presentation, i went over to shuwei's place to try her old oven and a new brand of cake premix. we got the white wings choc on choc since we couldnt locate betty crockers. tried the recipe and it came out quite badly. the icing was a wreck from the start! i think icings are meant to be made on the spot. probably will taste a whole lot better as compared to getting them pre-mixed.
so, shuwei went to research and found out that we shouldnt have used the olive oil. apparently, olive oil will spoil the end result. oh wells. another round soon! haha!!!

so saturday night, when we went our separate ways, jiunyuen was kind-hearted and sent shaowei and i home. firstly, it was seriously out of the way and getting really late. so when we were trying to locate his car in the parking lot of marina square, i realised jiunyuen walked like an ah beng. shaowei started trying to mimick jiunyuen's walking style and melvin said something about being like jiunyuen's dad.. it was quite a sight really.. haha!!!
so somewhere along the way back, he heard this mambo song that he liked and did some dance actions and i commented that he was "so cute!" and shaowei just had to say
"jiuyuen! vanessa say you cute leh!"
and jiunyuen said happily "yay! 3 points up!"
it took me a couple of seconds to get what he was going at, then i realised it was something like a game. HAHA!!!
so while he was driving, i asked if he was still attached. he looked at me from his rearview mirror and asked me why. so i mentioned about the other time when we sent him off at the airport, with the rumours about him being attached. then he said he wasnt and shaowei butted in and said some things which i cant really remember.
then, all of a sudden, jiunyuen said "actually, have la. you lor"
and shaowei sprang up and said
"i was waiting for you to say that..."
and some other incoherent load of sentences and i was laughing away when SUDDENLY!
jiunyuen said "i wasnt refering to you la!"
then shaowei went quiet for awhile and started saying something. haha!!
i was immensely shocked at what he said and boy was that a surprise. haha!!!
but it was nice to be.. erm.. "in the spotlight" for awhile. haha!!

so, after that, i was directing him to the bus stop where he could alight me. and the guys kept insisting that they'd fetch me right down to my house. so after much much deliberation, i went along with the idea.
and in between the long long debate, shaowei and melvin were talking about a test. if my memory does not fail me and if i catched the right words, they were refering to my telling jiunyuen that its okay to just alight me at the bus stop, a test.. i was quite interested in them saying that this was a test.. but i couldnt pry anything out. haha!!
but yes, the night was fun..

i remember a song, that has a verse
everybody wants to be loved, every once in awhile
or something like that. and i believe, with all of my dear broken heart, that its true.. i think we all yearn for the attention that someone else can offer.. when jiunyuen said the "you" thing, it made me happy, even if it was just for that little while.. its like, we want to be in the spotlight, to know that people do appreciate you the way you are and for the things you've done. or to just simply, like you..
as a friend, as a girlfriend, as a wife, we just want that attention even for that split second..
i feel, being in the spotlight for that moment in time, made me feel human again.. not just another person making her way on life's journey with just religion, but as a human, with needs and wants.. even if that comment was just being random or sarcastic, it meant something to me.. not that i'm going to go gaga over jiunyuen, but just being able to feel that joy inside of me makes me happy, the way i was once was all those years back..
of course i miss the times when he said nice things about me and made me feel like i belonged somewhere in his heart but i now know they were just, words. empty promises. still, i revel in the sweet things that made me happy, no matter how weightless they were.. we all need to know we are loved every once in awhile really.. a random note one day perhaps? just to know that someone out there knows you exist and loves you.

everything takes time doesnt it.. love takes time, forgiveness takes time.. and we're all waiting.. every minute of everyday, we're waiting.. i have a list of things that i am waiting for and i know God knows it better than i do..
so i continue waiting, for the things i wait for and know someday, they'll come my way.

dishwalla
every little thing

let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
i want you to believe in life
but i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you ever find out who you are too late to change

i wish i could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
i wish i could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up dont make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the ground
see all come
you say you're alright
but i get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away, you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change

i wish i could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
i wish i could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

dont give me up
dont give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change

i wish i could be
every little thing you wanted

vanessa.c