Sunday, February 15, 2009
hey BWCjieling! i've heard loads about you from BWCqiqi. haha!!! and thank you!!! i think that nehnehpok is gone i hope! it sad.. we shall have a silent moment in memory.. wait. times up! a millisecond is more than enough. lets celebrate!
(:
alrights! back to what i came to write about.
i feel compelled to talk about what a friend said recently.
she told me that i seemed to be turning away when a romance seems to be lurking around my corner and, the other thing, asking me if my parents' relationship with each other causes me to view relationships in a different light and have my doubts.
to the first statement, i guess to a certain extent, i run away when a possible romance comes along. then again, i always have my reasons. might be because i find things that i cant accept in that person that makes me decide that i dont want anything to do with that guy other than just plain platonic relationship. just friends and i draw the line at that. in the recent case of a friend who "stole" my popcorn and did a couple of other things throughout the short span of less than one day that made up my mind about him. yes i believe my poly classmates do know who i am refering to and i hope they make no mention of his name. haha!
the reasons could also hinge around the fact that i know, i am not good enough. so i'm picturing myself below while there he is, looking down on me and i just feel, unworthy.. these are probably the two more common reasons that i come up with most of the time.
to the second statement.
actually, i never really saw things this way until she asked me about it. not that i havent given it thought but i never really saw the connection.. i just thought that it didnt have much of an impact. so after thinking for awhile and giving her my answer, i realised, it did. it did so badly that i dont know why it does. i always dream of happy endings and how all the love stories could some day ring true..
i think somehow, their damaged relationship left me this imprint for life that somehow, relationships can never work out properly and so its best to never start and just dream of them.. to just let these dreams fester and rot while the glitz and glamour of it all fades away, leaving only the tiny sparkles to float away slowly with each passing wind.
while being afraid of what my future holds, i am at the same time, skeptical and optimistic. i know, two polar opposites at a single time is just being insane! but i honestly, truly, feel this way.
i am skeptical about finding someone because i'll probably think he's way over my head and i'll tell him how unworthy i am of his love and also being unable to accept someone else who i dont think could be the one for me..
i am optimisic because i secretly cherish the hope that the mentality of a never-lasting relationship will be broken by someone who will show me that relationships can last..
and yes, i am damaged that way..
but i probably make up for that loss with a crazy personality that includes being extremely pms-sive, crazy, funky, funny and a whole load of others that make me up a whole lot of me.
and for that, i am proud to be who i am.
so while everyone's in the happy valentine's day mood, i'm content to staying at home and watching soddy love shows that makes me bawl my eyes out and listen to music that speaks of love and what-have-you and still be happy being single with a intent of being attached in the distant future..
on an ending note, shawn came back for the weekends and i had loads of fun touching his short short hair. haha!!! reminds me of the times when he was what you'd call a "baby brother" and when he still had that giggly chubby smile.. he had stories to tell when he came back, about the 3 weeks he spent in tekong and boy were they interesting.. i had a huge laugh just listening to it.
and and!!! i got a gift on valentine's day too!!! oh yes you bet i did.
my period came!
red aye. how apt was that?! HAHA!!!
alrights! got to go off now! oh wait! a chalet has been planned for the current group of people in my module class. i think it's going to be pretty fun. loves!!!
ricky martin & meja
private emotionevery endless night has a dawning day
every darkest sky has a shining ray
and it shines on you baby cant you see
you're the only one who can shine for me
its a private emotion that fills you tonight
and a silence falls between us
as the shadows steal the light
and wherever you may find it
wherever it may lead
let your private emotion come to me
come to me
when your soul is tired and your heart is weak
do you think of love as a one way street
well it run both ways, open up your eyes
cant you see me here, how can you deny
its a private emotion that fills you tonight
and a silence falls between us
as the shadows steal the light
and wherever you may find it
wherever it may lead
let your private emotion come to me
come to me
every endless night has a dawning day
every darkest sky has a shining ray
it takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
but you can find me here till your tears run dry
its a private emotion that fills you tonight
and a silence falls between us
as the shadows steal the light
and wherever you may find it
wherever it may lead
let your private emotion come to me
vanessa.c
