Saturday, May 2, 2009

because its midnight and this song i'm listening to conjures up memories that i havent recalled in quite some time, here i am, online and not trying to fall asleep.

it's been a couple of years since we last spoke. actually, we didnt speak much i realised. just, contacting each other.
trying to keep all these things in the back of my mind hasnt been easy, with everything going on in my life and stuff. it's not like i need a guy around all the time but its more like, just having that guy-figure to talk to isnt there. a close guy friend. someone who can give me insight into the things that makes up my life.

in a way, i dont see myself being attached.
yet in another way, i want to have a family of my own in the future.
it's weird i know.

a couple weeks and it's the time of the year again, when i used to bake cookies just for that occasion. and of all dates this year, graduation just has to fall on that day. of all dates isnt it.
if you asked me really, if i'm totally over him, i think i might hesitate before saying yes.
because i dont know what i'd do if i ever saw him again.
i want him to know that it hasnt been easy on me.
i want him to know that i wished things were different.
yet, i want him to know that i am at the same time, i am thankful for him. thankful for all the experiences i learnt about life and love.
i have forgiven him, but i dont think i'll ever forget. it's so sickening that things like this just dont go snap and presto! i have no recollection of it.

if only everyone was committed. if everyone has just one single love and that love would transcend everything and everything will go the way we want it.
if only..


azure ray
sleep

fill these spaces up with days
in my room you can go
you can stay

i cant sleep
i cant speak to you
i cant sleep

now these years locked in my drawer
i'll open to see
just to be sure

i cant sleep
i cant speak to you
i cant sleep

and so i'm reaching out for the one
and so i've learnt the meaning of the sun
and all this like a message comes to shift my point of view
and watching through my own light
as it tints the shade of you

hold my wine hold it in
nobody's lost
but nobody wins

and i cant sleep
i cant speak to you
i cant sleep

and so i'm reaching out for the one
and so i've learnt the meaning of the sun
and all this like a message comes to shift my point of view
and watching through my own light
as it tints the shade of you

i cant sleep, i cant speak to you
i cant sleep, i cant speak to you
i cant sleep, i cant speak to you
i cant sleep, i cant speak to you
i cant sleep, i cant speak to you
i cant sleep, i cant speak to you

vanessa.c