Monday, October 26, 2009

last night, for some reason, i thought of my grandaunt.
you know, i realised, i'd rather not know when my time is up and when i leave, i know some people will hurt and miss me.
i feel the pain of those who are given a time frame. to know there are things that needs to be done, to know that you only have this much time left. the anticipation of "just one more day" just makes living so hard.
i am at a lost of words as i wrote "just one more day". i dont know how to carry on talking about this because there is really nothing to say. nothing to say, describe, the pain and sorrow of losing a loved one.
to try to live life like it hasnt changed, to go home everyday and all you see is that same spot where that person would usually dominate, empty and cold.
sometimes at night, especially when the time of the month is here, i think i feel her around. i think i hear her flipping the newspapers, snoring. i can imagine her sleeping in front of the television snoring away, with her feet propped up on the leg rest.

i think i should stop.

vanessa.c