Tuesday, October 27, 2009

shaowei and i talked about love the other day.
about his relationships and my relationships. (not that i have many to speak of)
though he was the one doing most of the talking and boy did he talk, something else was going on in my head.
my head was full of ideas and of people.
sweet gifts for the special person, of people i love.
i havent talked about love in a long time because nothing's coming my way and i dont resent that fact. there are definitely days when i think i'm going to die an old woman all alone in a yellowing apartment with tons of little memorabilias of things everywhere, with labels on boxes, everything quite neatly kept away.
yet there are times when i can imagine a life full of love and a white house with tons of colourful furnitures.

i can still remember things from the past, but i know i'm over it.
i dont long to see someone, neither do i want to not see him.
i just want him to see me now, knowing that i am better off without him.
i am more carefree, not having to worry about when his next pms is going to erupt.
and for that, i am a better person.

we are all waiting for a special someone to come sweep us off our feet, to hold our hands, tuck the hair behind our ears and all that mushy stuff.
some of us find that person, some of us never do.

vanessa.c