Wednesday, November 25, 2009

i was chatting online with a friend the other day about relationships and how God already has someone for us. already picked out and probably neatly packed away, waiting for right time to present him/her to us.

he told me he wasnt afraid of the waiting, but he was "afraid" of the "already has one for us" part.
me, i'm the opposite although there is the fear of not "picking" the right one.
i am absolutely, terribly, petrified of the waiting.
yet at the same time, i am waiting.
it's so contradictary isnt it?
saying how afraid i am of waiting and here i am, waiting.
i guess, a part of why i'm just waiting and not just accepting any guy that comes around, is because i believe, if i wait patiently for someone who meets the basics of what i need in a man, then he could be the one God sent. then everything else that i want will fall into place somehow.

was i wrong to have made a conscious choice, to not date people of different religion?
was i wrong to reject them and paint a terrible image of Christianity?
i'll never know will i?

he said, "you've given this matter some thought havent you."
and yes, was my answer.
i've seen relationships fail right before my eyes and of course not forgetting my own personal battle.
without a doubt, i've given all these thought.
i've thought about how i would give my life to this man, to submit myself to him, to respect him. to change the way i live, just for him, and him, for me.
i've thought of how things might end badly, how things might turn out beautifully.
i've thought about so many things and heard and learned.

i believe, my turn to love, to be loved, will come.
to experience something so extravagent, that people sing about, write about, talk about, dream about, and everything else in between.
it's only a matter of waiting isnt it.

vanessa.c