Sunday, February 28, 2010

i think, i'm scarred.
either that or i'm just screwed for life when it comes to relationships.
yeah. either one.

i felt like as the printing machine in history was photocoping my past and putting it in my current file.
the guy knew the right things to say and i was falling right in.
fall fall fall.
then.
i realised, it's not going to work out.
i tell him and that's it.
end of it.
i felt like such an idiot.

i put my religion first and i get all these guys who i try not to fall for because i choose to put religion first.
i know, it's the right thing.
but when is it going to be worth it?
when will all these short pain end?
of course it's annoying even though i'd hate to admit it.

he reminded me of someone else.
i even smiled when he typed my name out on msn and in text messages.
i even smiled like a total goon on the train when he sent me a message.
it really felt good.
i havent felt this way in such a long while.
now that i've drawn the line to protect my heart and his, i know it's not going to be quite the same.

did i also mention about someone who asked me to watch a romantic movie, the day before valentine's day, then tell me i'm his "gal pal". yes, in his own words.
i'm not exactly crazy about him but goodness gracious me!
i wont mention names but it might be quite easy to guess.

to a certain extent, i think, i'm afraid to fall in love.
i find it hard to believe a couple can stay together, forever, till death do they part.
of course i see old couples holding hands and i honestly feel so happy for them.
but i look around and i see also, jerks who wreck marriages and the people who permit them to do so.
i want to believe there is true love. but its hard that way when nearly everything in the world shows me otherwise. sure i know there's work to be done. still. there's something about love that makes me so skeptical.

or maybe i'm too cynical for love.
yeah. that just may be it.

vanessa.c