for the most part of my life, after reaching my first high point, experiencing God's love, peace and mercy, i've always been able to look back and understand why i've been through the things that i've been through.

taking my o levels again,

going through the operation,

the heart ache of missing someone i will never have,

and so many others in between.

i can tell you without a doubt, that i believe quite strongly, i am made to help people through experiencing the hardships myself.

but i havent been able to find solace for this hurdle.

for something i have no answers to. for something that i will never know until He comes.

everytime during worship, i hear a song about how God treats each tear i cry with such importance, i want to breakdown.

to a certain extent, i think i can feel Him touching my soul, stretching out His hand to reach me. to tell me He really cares, to tell me He wants to hold me and tell me everything will be okay.

i think i know whats holding me back.

its all these questions about God that we dont have answers to.

the questions that could make or break my relationship with Him.

yet i have enough experiences in my life to know how real He is to me, to sustain my faith.

so i'm still holding on.

vanessa.c