Sunday, August 29, 2010

sometimes i wish i had the memory of a goldfish.
3 seconds isnt it?
just for those 3 short seconds of my life, i will wallow in the dept of those dark secrets each time i know, then they'll disappear from my memories. how wonderful would that be isnt it.

life, just feels slightly dreadful.
a friend told me how he feels sorry for me, for feeling so much resentment in this short span of life i have lived.
i really want to agree with him. i really do. still i know there are more who have worse experiences as compared to me.
of course i'm not going to go all noble and say there isnt any resentment/anger and whatever else i can think of now. i'm just trying the best i can, to be thankful of the things that i have going for me.

i remember a time, awhile back, i was just looking out the window from my living room and i just felt this urge to just drop.
i didnt want to wake up in the morning and work was, just work.

its hard to find God in all these situations. it really is. i'm just trying to pray and trust in Him, having that faith that one day it'll be okay.
i dont know how to be a Christian sometimes. my human nature takes over and all i want to do is just hate and hate and nothing else.
it sucks. and that's being very simplistic about the entire thing.

i havent been blogging much i know, and i'm so sorry!
i've been out and about quite a bit actually!
seen david choi at the esplanade for this 45mins showcase and i'm going all melty for him and his music.. haha!!!
finally tried max brenner's and the fullerton's chocolate buffet spread.
took quite a number of pictures and uploaded them to facebook! i should get myself a camera one of these coming months shouldnt i? yeah i think i should.
and i'm going to thailand next year, in january too!
haha! i think its honestly going to be a yearly trip just to shop my heart out.

i've been thinking a lot in recent months as well. thinking about my future and everything.
to study full-time, part-time.
to drop my job now and do a year's of contract teaching.
find another job.
so many things in my mind.
but i find comfort knowing that i'll be taken care of.
for if He clothes the lilies that grow in the field, what more would He do for me.
(:

well, on an ending note, i really need to clear out my room AGAIN! haha! i know! everytime i blog, i seem to be trying to clear my room. i think its a neverending thing with me. haha!!! i find quite a bit of a joy to find things to throw away.
if lesser things equates to lessening my burden, then i think i'm well on my way to have less burdens aye?! HAHA!!!
what a sad joke to make. bahh!
some time soon.. (:

vanessa.c