Monday, November 29, 2010

i feel like i've aged a lot.
i feel like as if in my short span of 22 years, i've been through 40.
it's thrilling, knowing i've so much life experience (and more to come), and at the same time, i feel quite sorry. haha!!! its not a bad thing really. more wisdom to handle things perhaps? or maybe i'm just an old soul (slightly younger than old, old). haha!!!

there are times when i feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, there are times when i feel like i can just lie and watch the world go by without a care in the world.
i still have troubles sometimes, placing my trust and having that faith that God will bring me through whatever troubles i have.

we always bring that mentality, that we need to do some thing pleasing to get approval and love from someone else. when we go through something bad, we're quick to assume that it's karma; that we deserve this bad thing that we are going through because of something bad we've done before.
i've learnt, that from my standpoint as a Christian, that suffering isnt because God works like karma; that bites you in the ass when you're not looking.
instead, suffering/hardship is a form of discipline, a sign of love.
it doesnt make much sense at the moment, but if we take into account that our parents scold and beat us, moulding us into the good people we are today, that is disciplining us and one way of showing love. if they do not love us, why would they bother teaching us right from wrong.
so i've come to the realisation that for each trial i go through, i know He's watching over me, refining me, for i am His child and He is the lover of my soul.

vanessa.c