Sunday, November 21, 2010

i was asked a question today. something not out of the ordinary though. with everything going around, i guess it was normal to be asked.
"are you dating?"
obviously the answer was a straight no. haha!!
then the next was
"ever attached?"
again, no.

then we got into a short one-way talk about how people should start dating young otherwise we'd end up getting married very much later in life.
there has been much talk about getting attached, finding the right one, characteristics and how to get there.
i dont know about you guys but people always assume i'm being picky and they tell me meaingless stories about some walk in the park and picking flowers, always hoping that the next one will be better.
yet somehow, they dont seem to get the fact that getting attached is not just "a walk in the park". guys are not like flowers because they can choose too. its not like i can go around and pick a guy and say "hmm, you look nice. lets go out of this garden and live happily ever after."
it doesnt work that way right?
i can like a person, but that guy might not like me the way i do.
on the other hand, a guy might like me, but i might not like him the way he wants me to.
we're talking about humans here! not unresponsive flowers that cater to your deep flower-longing whims! that's just a bad story to tell.
also! it's not like guys are throwing themselves at me, waiting for me to choose them! how does that make sense when i dont have guys to choose from, whom i feel a physical attraction to?
i cant also, just go out with any guy who asks me out and then "see how". i have in mind what sort of person i want to be with and those are the prerequisites. i'm not going to reject a guy just because he doesnt have nicely shaped eyebrows or something as silly as that. obviously, very obviously, i need to feel a certain attraction to someone first before agreeing to go out with him right?

you know, i've given all these much thought. and i realised, i think, i might never get attached. i'm ocd, weird, odd, quite crazy, not very girly and the list goes on.
i dont think there's someone out there for me, that would be able to help/support me in my life when i'm this messed up. not someone in this singaporean society i think. i dont know what the future holds, but if i have to be single for the rest of my life, i think i just might shoot myself although i'm somewhat prepared for that.

blah!!! i think i'm just in need of sleep at this moment. how dreary sunday nights make me.. boo!

vanessa.c