Tuesday, January 25, 2011

its really nice, to see my close friend get attached with a guy who's so caring. i've been talking to her about that guy for a long time and once i spotted some spark flying, i got into the action and a little talking, they are finally together! (:
it just warms my heart to see her attached to someone like him and seeing how he's always so careful around her, taking care of her and making sure she's okay. (:
like i've said before, i chop my stamp of approval!

also, thank you for seeing and understanding me when no one did! you know how much i really appreciate your love my dearest vit a.! (:
i send my love to you too! (:

onto another topic that has been on my mind for quite some time but finally someone came to talk to me about it.
i was told recently that most people my age are saving money for holidays and most of their time is spent finding themselves. in a way, being slightly selfish perhaps? or just enjoying themselves before they start working and doing all the supposedly 'adult' things.
i came home after that talk and for a few days, i thought about it.
i thought about why i am doing the things i do for my brother and my mum. i thought about my future, about who i was.
then i realised, there is no need for me to find myself. i am who i am and i've agreed to take on the burden of saving my money for my brother's future, helping my mum with the expenses and at the same time, saving for my future, whatever it beholds; holidays to neighbouring countries, further education etc.
i dont know if the bible says anything about it but as an older sister to shawn and the eldest daughter to my mum, i feel obliged to do so and i do so willingly, not because i was told to.

i guess in a way, i have found myself. here is my placing in life and it might change one day, it might not.
i am who i am because i am shaped by my past, but continually moulded by God to who i will be in the future. i dont think i have to do this or that to find what is beneath this skin although a nice break every once in awhile would definitely be good.

out of the talk, she casually/jokingly mentioned that i needed therapy. haha! now that, i dont think i would disagree. not that i REALLY need therapy, but i guess an outlet wouldnt be that would it?

sometimes i feel i'm too young to be shouldering all these. then, there are times when i feel i am old enough to handle bigger things in life.

when is it time, for someone to take care of me, to tell me i've done good. but of course, i dont think i can trust guys to handle my heart much anymore. i've been burnt one too many times and its honestly tiring to keep hoping that one day, some men will make good themselves so i can have faith in them again.

i am after all, damaged goods and no one wants something damaged do they?

vanessa.c