2011 has been fine, nothing much to brag about, nothing much to complain about. my feelings have always been in the in-between.

its like what i have told someone before in the context of relationships.

"always someone, never the one"

so until i become significantly important to a particular guy to whom is significantly important to me, i guess its going to be my motto in relationships. i think it serves me well.

towards the end of the year, i thought i was going to step into an open relationship, but as usual, although my guard has always been up, he just made me realise how true my convictions were when it comes to relationships; for me at least. always that close. just that little more, but never going past that line. my guards have served me well and my heart is still in its place, the same few scars, nothing new, and i am thankful for that.

i've been bitter towards Christmas, wondering why i never manage to find someone who feels for me, the same way i would for him and girls who i find odd and peculiar are the ones getting attached and hitched. i am still a tad bit bitter, questioning when my turn is going arrive or if it is ever going to arrive at my doorstep. i question my character, my capability, my ability, my looks, my attitude, my dressing, my everything. i must be doing something wrong to attract all the wrong guys and pushing all the right/nice ones away. or am i just never going to be attached, destined for singlehood for the rest of my life (it better be short if so).

as much as i want to find love and be attached, i look at examples and i wonder if guys can even be trusted. how conflicting. yes it sucks.

as i enter the 2012, i came up with a few resolutions!

i cant remember my 2011 but will get down to digging them up sometime soon to see what has been achieved. haha!!!

1. go clubbing for the first time

2. make a dress for myself by myself

3. take up ballroom dancing

4. find a boyfriend

5. finally read the bible religiously

(pun not intended)

just these 4 simple ones.

but maybe point 4 will be a tad difficult since i just cut my hair really short. haha!!! i figured since i'm not attracting anyone, might as well do something i want and go short. we'll one day see if its true that guys like their girls to have long hair. haha!!

anyways! here's to another year (whether you were invited to the party or not), may it bring you more joy and may your resolutions be fulfilled.

vanessa.c